Over My Head: What's the Big Deal About Stone Cold? [HUMOR]

Vitamin DCorrespondent ISeptember 28, 2009

NEW YORK - MARCH 28:  Wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin attends the press conference held by Battle of the Billionaires to announce the details of Wrestlemania 23 at Trump Tower on March 28, 2007 in New York City.  (Photo by Bryan Bedder/Getty Images)

Hulk Hogan.  Ric Flair.  Rey Mysterio.  Edge.  The Undertaker.


What do these wrestlers have in common?  Well, at some point some know-it-alls at one point or another decided to publish an article depicting these athletes as being “overrated”.


None of these compare, however, to just how over-the-top, inexplicable, and undeserving of the love received by wrestling fans, to the Texas Rattlesnake.  Yep, that’s right.


“Stone Cold” Steve Austin.


I said it.


I mean, I just don’t get it.  Can someone help me out, here?  Let’s see the rundown…




So you have this guy.  He’s a badass from Texas.  God, what a crappy gimmick.  I mean, the only things that come out of Texas are steers and queers, and you don’t see any horns on us- I mean him!  Horns on HIM, do you?




So this guy.  He likes to drink beer.  Gee.  How original.  Hey, Steve, Sandman called, he said you need to restock his cooler after stealing a six-pack of his Gimmickweiser.


I mean…really?


“They” say that Stone Cold Steve Austin, with a little help of some other overrated guy, The Rock, pretty much saved WWE with this whole ‘Attitude’ thing.


Austin 3:16?  I don’t get it.


If you put the letter ‘S’ in front of Hitman?  Not funny.  Don’t get it.  Oh, and Hitman is overrated, too.  Yeah, I said it.


No, c’mon….really??


Okay, so you got all this, and the guy is rebelling against an A-hole boss.  Hmm.


Texan?  Check.  Tough guy?  Check.  Crowd-involving trash-talk?  Check.  Beer drinking?  Check.  The desire to punch-out his jerk boss?  Check.


Nope.  Just can’t identify.  I really don’t understand why people like this guy.


…I mean, are you…really?  Really.   Really??


Here’s another thing I just can’t seem to wrap my head around.  So this clown has won the WWF Championship six times, he’s the 1996 King of the Ring, and is the only man to have ever won three Royal Rumbles (’97, ’98, and ’01).


I mean, you don’t bestow those honors on a wrestler that has by far, and large, proven himself to be overrated, do you?  DO YOU??


Who in their right mind gives all those Championship, Main Event matches to someone who clearly isn’t the face of your product, and couldn’t possibly have saved your company from bankruptcy?



Whatever.  I don’t get it.



Author’s note: The above piece is purely satirical, and in no way reflects the true feelings of the writer.  It was written in the hopes this shows how ridiculous some of these “Joe Pro Wrestler is Overrated” articles have become.


Disclaimer: This article is NOT Vitamin D’s entry in the Humor vs. Humor contest.