Avram Grant and Why He Had to Go

illya mclellan@illya mclellan @illbehaviorNZSenior Analyst IMay 29, 2008

Some might say the sacking of Avram Grant was to do with his failure to bring any silverware to Stamford Bridge. Or his inability to form a lasting bond with the players and fans. While these things must be taken into consideration it is actually something far more fantastic and mind-boggling that was going on at Chelsea Football Club something perhaps only a drug addled alley dwelling lunatic could come up with.

It was actually accidentally stepping on an alley dwelling lunatic that got me the inside information. I noticed that it was actually Walid Badir, who was for those that do not know, the player that was used illegally as a substitute when Grant's former club Maccabi Haifa were about to breeze past Finnish side FC Haka in the qualification for the UEFA Champions League.

They were disqualified and Badir ended up in the street playing football with cans and the skulls of stray dogs in an overwhelming delusion in which he thought he was actually progressing through the group stage of the Champions League.

It was after all this that I met him and he proceeded to tell me that Avram Grant was actually a sith lord who had managed to take control of Chelsea after sabotaging the relationship Mourinho had had with Abramovich. He had done all this to get his hands on the Champions League trophy which apparently has some sort of eternal life giving properties that only Alex Ferguson and a few others know about.

What Grant did not reckon on however was Mourinho having signed a Jedi previous to his departure. Yes, John Obi Mikel a distant relative of Obi wan Kenobi, was on the books and was doing his utmost to bring Darth Avram down. 

It resulted in a meeting between them at midnight at Stamford Bridge the night before the Champions League final in which culminated in a light-sabre fight (shown above) which was a draw but left Grant severely drained and pale which everyone saw during the final the next day.

Because of the fight it can be said that Grant's general health and mental state was poor leading to his subsequent poor decision making in giving the fifth penalty to John Terry. I was informed that Obi Mikel used the force to make Terry slip which was extremely difficult for him to do but he could not let Grant get his mitts on the trophy.

So there you have the real story behind the sacking of Avram Grant or as a few know him as "Darth Avram."