The Pittsburgh Penguins Only Hope: A Hero of the High Seas

Corey GallagherContributor IMay 27, 2008

We know, we know. The North End Zone does not do a preview for the Stanley Cup and everything goes to hell. It's all our fault. Stop yelling at Adam Hall (even though we haven't stopped...get us some Jeff Taffe!!).

Word is the Penguins were spotted in Pittsburgh just after the final whistle last night. The rumors are pretty believable, because they certainly didn't show up in Detroit.

Well now it's a little late for a preview. We're already in a hole so deep that not even the skills of one Adam "Cake Eater" Banks could pull us out. So it's time to get desperate.

Over at the Pensblog, each game has a designated hero. Whether Red and Andy from Shawshank or President Thomas J. Whitmore who saved us from the aliens, there's always someone to lead us.

But times are too trying. We need the nuclear bomb. We need none other than:

Capt. SIG HANSEN of the Northwestern!

To think that we may have never known Sig if not for the Discovery Channel is pretty scary. Though Sig would only be considered a green-horn on a boat captained by Gary Roberts, Sig is the leader of the greatest crab boat of all time. All. Time. (Technically, all the boats in which Jesus was involved were fishing boats. Even more impressive.)

We will look to Sig for guidance. Game three is obviously a must win. And the four shots we had in game two will not get it done. Sig will know where to drop the pots. He'll guide us in the choppy seas. Get that man a ticket.

Game three. LET'S GO PENS!!!