10 Things Weed Learned from Joakim Noah’s Gainesville Dance with Mary Jane

When Joakim Noah was picked up by Gainesville, FL, police early Sunday morning for marijuana possession and having an open container of alcohol, all I could think was, "Wow...what took so long?"

Then, a couple of days later, when Joakim’s dad, Yannick, said that he couldn’t figure out what the fuss was all about regarding the situation...well, let’s just say that writing nothing at all became an increasing improbability.

Thanks to the 6'11" string bean with the wild shot and the wilder hair, I now present you with “10 Things Weed Learned from Joakim Noah’s Gainesville Dance with Mary Jane”:

10. Dude, there’s, like, a reason Noah says “dude” and “like” a lot.

9. We now understand why the Chicago Bulls pre-game training table includes Cheetos and Twinkies.

8. You might want to lay off Joakim’s famous Father’s Day brownies.

7. The former Gator likes unspecified amber-colored beverages—let’s just hope it’s not urine.

6. Stoners nationwide will promote the legalization of marijuana; yet at election time they won't actually extinguish their joints and vote, citing "more important things to do, man."

5. We now realize why “Puff the Magic Dragon” featured so prominently in the Bulls pre-game song mix.

4. He averaged less than one block per game because he spent too much time trying to figure out why his left arm was longer than his right.

3. We now know why he laughed every time he suggested changing the phrase "pick and roll" to "burning bush."

2. He appreciates life in the Land of the Weed that overflows with Amber Fermented Grain.

1. Maybe drafting that Beasley kid wouldn't be such a half-baked idea after all.

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