Help! I Can't Stop Watching the Mets

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Help! I Can't Stop Watching the Mets
(Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images)

I turn on the TV, and I’d rather watch anything else but the Mets—So You Think You’re Crazier Than Gary Busey, Two and a Half Accountants, even Yentl. But something’s commanding me to watch. I have no control over it. I think the ghost of Gil Hodges is controlling me. Or maybe it’s M. Donald Grant.

I want to turn the game off, but I can’t. Maybe there’s just something wrong with me. And sometimes I get the feeling that the Mets are watching me.

But since the TV’s on and the channel stuck on SNY, I may as well pick out things that are worthing watching. Josh Thole comes up to the plate, and I think, “He doesn’t have the stench of failure all over him yet. He’s worth watching.

And he’s fun to watch. He comes straight out of 1973—choking up on the bat, crouching, no power. He looks like he has an idea of what to do at the plate, but he could be nothing more than a singles hitter.

The Mets need power. If they had home run hitters all over the lineup, he could be a nice addition, but we’ve seen prospects come and go, year after year, who failed after a strong start to a career. But I like watching him anyway.

Angel Pagan’s in the game? You know he’s going to make some type of boneheaded base-running mistake. I’ll sit tight and see if he runs the bases in the wrong order this time. This could be fun. Though he’s certainly not alone when it comes to not having a clue when circling the bases. The Mets seem to turn the basic fundamentals of the game into a wacky adventure.

When Daniel Murphy comes up, you have to wonder if the Mets should take a chance and let him develop and see if he’s the answer at first base. If you lock 10 Met fans in a room and yell, “Daniel Murphy: Mets first baseman of the future—debate!”: A full-scale brawl will most likely break out.

“He can bat .300 with 40 doubles every year! And his slugging percentage is over .500 the last month!” “He’s nothing but a backup without any power or a position! And I hate the name Daniel!”

Bobby Parnell and Mike Pelfrey may be needed in next year’s rotation. I’ll sit and watch them pitch. Unfortunately, almost all their outings are ugly. And get uglier every week. The team now has one sure thing in the rotation for 2010.

I’ll watch Pat Misch, Nelson Figueroa and Tim Redding. Maybe they can put something together. Well, probably not.

Carlos Beltran and John Maine are back. They’re worth watching. If only to see if they can make it through the rest of the season.

Something is compelling me to watch, so I’ll take anything at this point. Saturday’s come-from-behind win over the Phillies was fun to watch (and could have been the team’s last victory of the season). Anderson Hernandez blasted the franchise’s 6,000 home run on Sunday. In typical Met fashion, nobody knew about it.

I’ll just block out the team’s won-loss record and enjoy a good old-fashioned baseball game. And maybe one night, I’ll find out if Gary Sheffield is still alive.

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