Baseball purists are an interesting bunch.  If it were up to them, we wouldn’t have the technological advancements we enjoy today.  Instead of automobiles and computers, we’d be using horsedrawn carriages and an abacus.  Instead of modern medical treatments, we’d have bloodletting and leeches.   

At least that’s they way these Purists come across.  Because whenever someone dares to suggest using technology to enhance the sport of baseball, they shout it down as if we’re suggesting their daughters audition to be contestants for the next Flavor of Love.

In the past, these people have screamed from the rooftops that such evils as the wild card and interleague play would irreparably damage baseball and destroy its very soul.  Instead, the wild-card system has made October more unpredictable and exciting, and interleague play has been a fan favorite. 

Now the Purists are at it again.  This time the cause du jour is the lingering assumption that MLB will soon be bringing in some version of instant replay to review home-run calls. 

God forbid.

The other three major sports—okay, two major sports and hockey—have all instituted reasonable and successful replay systems.  Why is it baseball is always behind the curve? 

The Purists have plenty of arguments, but I find most of them to be ridiculous and not particularly well thought-out. 

It’ll undermine the umpire’s authority.

Really?  I haven’t noticed the authority of the officials in the other aforementioned sports’ leagues undermined.  As far as I can tell, referees in those sports have as much clout as they’ve ever had, and when they blow their whistles, the games still stop. 

I’m sure some officials would even argue they like replay because it allows them to get the call right.  And really, shouldn’t that be their highest priority? “Authority” should come a distant second to getting it right. 

The umpires and their union should be embracing this potential change.  What’s not for them to like about having one more umpire working a game from the booth?  That’s one more fat, old guy who can collect a paycheck. 

And it would be the easiest paycheck ever collected.  The replay umpire could basically take a nap or surf the internet for porn until the time came for him to look at a TV set and make what is usually an easy decision.  If the umpires don’t want that job, I’ll gladly take it.

It’ll add too much time to the games.

Really?  How many times would a disputed home run even come up in a game?  Maybe once?  Twice at the most? 

And if the Purist is really so interested in keeping the games shorter, why haven’t they come out in favor of cutting back on the amount of commercials that are shown? Or limiting the amount of time it takes a pitcher to throw the ball?  Or limiting the amount of time a batter is allowed to step out of the box and indulge in a maddening routine of swinging, spitting, and adjusting himself?

I don’t think I’m in the minority when I say I’d gladly give five more minutes in order for the umpires to get the correct call.

If we let them review home runs, eventually they’ll want to review everything including balls and strikes.

Really?  Do the Purists actually believe this crap?  That’s like assuming that the NBA’s officials using replay to check buzzer-beaters will eventually lead to refs reviewing traveling violations and hand-checking.  It wouldn’t make any sense to review those things, and it’s simply never going to happen.   

I suppose their next argument will be that reviewing home runs might eventually lead to a decline in the moral fabric of American life and, eventually, to the End of Days.

Baseball Purists will always be around, and they’ll always find something to complain about.  It’s the price the rest of us pay for watching a sport that’s been played for over a century. 

I’m sure decades ago there were Purists arguing against night games and batting helmets.  Those seemed to work out well for everyone involved.  And there’s every reason to think that a limited replay system could work out too.  

But what do I know?  I regularly use a microwave to cook my meals—which to the Purists probably means that, like baseball, my soul will burn eternally for embracing the devil’s technological wizardry.