Nobody is more excited than I am for the return of America's new pastime in the form of the National Football League.
There are many storylines and many reasons to be excited, Michael Vick is back, Tom Brady is too, Carson Palmer and Matt Hasselbeck are also reportedly healthy.
The Steelers are looking to repeat and make a claim for team of the decade, Dan Snyder is still throwing a lot of money around, hoping it sticks, and the Oakland Raiders are still run by a man who rubs poop on the walls of his office and loves those good 40 times.
And there are three things, though, that we have been able to count on for years now; the Arizona Cardinals are a joke...Check that, two things we have been able to count on for years now. The Colts winning 12 games and the Dallas Cowboys tripping over their shoelaces in December.
Seriously, for a team with a reputation of attracting more than the average amount of bandwagon fans, the Cowboys have done little in recent memory to warrant such popularity.
No playoff wins since I was six years old and a knack for not just losing but losing in incredibly memorable ways and when the games matter the most, in December.
Last season's Week 17 game at Philadelphia was so shocking, so embarrassing, and so twistedly comical that my reaction to it all was to laugh manically about midway through the third quarter and attempt to make jokes for the rest of the game and then feel sick up until the Super Bowl.
I can't even imagine what it was like being a Red Sox fan after the 2003 ALCS. Here are the three likely scenarios of my reaction to Game 7 of that series:
-Driving into the desert before abandoning my car and walking around aimlessly for the rest of my days.
-Getting arrested for being liquored up and cutting off the heads of parking meters.
-Stop watching baseball.
So Dallas Cowboys, you are officially on notice! 85 years passed between the Red Sox 1918 World Series title and that ALCS.
That leaves you with 74 more years to bring me some joy or I may stop watching football. No point in trying to talk me out of it; I've made up my mind.
As far as the 2009 Dallas Cowboys, it would be foolish to completely rule them out, even without Terrell Owens. Tony Romo missed three games last season with a broken pinkie and was roughed up quite a bit near the end of the season. He starts this season healthy.
Roy Williams should be better with more time adjusted to the offense, they have three good RBs they can rely on, and the defense did play better after Wade Phillips took over calling plays on defense.
But am I picking them? Of course not, I'm going to do the best I can to not get my hopes up again, as history has shown me they will suffer a few more stomach-punching losses.
Especially when the December schedule features games at the Giants, San Diego, at New Orleans, at Washington, and then Philadelphia once again for the final game of the season.
Trying to give me a heart attack before the season even begins I see, it will not work! I will be ready for the collapse whenever it comes, but how will it come?
Well, maybe the recipe is to exhaust all the strangest and most horrifying possibilities and who knows...Maybe life will give Dallas Cowboys fans a surprise.
So I've come up with this list of 10 bizarre scenarios that end with the Dallas Cowboys going home with their heads down. Hopefully in January I can laugh over this as the Dallas Cowboys end up surprising me in January, but I'm not counting on it.