With the NFL season starting this week and my favorite show, "Entourage", in full swing I started to wonder...


What Would it Be Like if Ari Gold was a NFL Owner?

-During games, he would make Mark Cuban look like he was on Valium. Also unlike Cuban, he would always wear a suit.


-Fines? He would be fined enough times, they could send man to outer space with a monkey, again.


-Press conferences would all be an immediate YouTube clip and most likely 50% censored.


-Any female reporter better watch out if she asked him a question after his team just lost. I could hear him say "Lay off the icing, your hips could use a breather."


-If he was the owner of the Broncos, he would say "Tell Brandon Marshall he's on the top of my list of things to do today, along with inserting needles in my c**k!"


-Every woman and gay male in the front office would be for sexually harassment. When asked if he won't do it again, he just promises, "I will always apologize afterwards". Somehow, he'd still own a team. Only Ari could get away with that.


-Tony Romo is a free agent after winning a Super Bowl for the Cowboys and he's shopping around. Ari has to answer the phone while he's in marriage counseling with his wife, against his wife's wishes. Tony's agent is calling with his answer and his phone is ringing. His wife is pissed and wants to know if she can just have one hour of his day:


"You can have it if you want to live in Agora f***ing hills, and go to group theapy, but if you want a Beverly Hills mansion, a country club membership, and nine weeks a year in a Tuscan villa, then I’m gonna need to take a call when it comes in at noon on a m*******ing Wednesday!!"


-Can rarely be reached in the office because he says, "F***k the phones, Lloyd! Unless Carmen Electra calls for an emergency titty-f**k, don’t answer!


-He's talking to Tom Brady last season after his ACL injury, trying to cheer him up, "You will come back stronger then ever. Like Lance Armstrong. But with two balls."


-If he was talking to Michael Crabtree's agent, who wants his client to be paid higher than Heyward-Bey though he was drafted lower, "I want to fuck Angelina Jolie, the only difference is, I might actually have a shot."


-As new owner of the Detroit Lions,  "No drafting wide receivers, think of it as the Holocaust. Never again!"


-A reporter asks him if he's ready for this upcoming season, and he replies "I'm ready to go, baby. I'm like R. Kelly at recess."


-After Mel Kiper grades his draft class as a D, he says, "F**k Mel Kiper. You know I went to college with him? Yeah when he was pledging we used to tie beer cans around his nuts and make him walk across campus. I think last night was payback."


He'd still be a great father, knows his wife is the boss, and continue to wreck havoc in the NFL. We could use a Ari Gold in the NFL. Just cover your children's ears.

(Video below is NSFW only because of the language)