Ohio State-USC: Top Ten Things You Won't Hear During the Game (Humor)

Kevin PaulSenior Analyst ISeptember 10, 2009

COLUMBUS, OH - SEPTEMBER 6:  The Ohio State University Buckeyes mascot, Brutus, entertains the fans during the game against the San Diego State University Aztecs at Ohio Stadium on September 6, 2003 in Columbus, Ohio. Ohio State defeated San Diego State 16-13.  (Photo by David Maxwell/Getty Images)

When the Buckeyes and Trojans hit the field this weekend, it won’t just be one of the biggest games of the week, but also the entire season. 

And while there are a lot of things you will hear before, during and after this matchup, here’s a list of ten things you most definitely will NOT hear:

Top 10 Things You Won’t Hear At Ohio State v USC Game this Weekend

10. Dane Sanzenbacher: “Boy, I can’t wait to meet Taylor Mays on the field.”

9. Pete Carroll: “I’ll never chance it by going for it on fourth and short.”

8. Matt Barkley: “John David Booty has been giving me advice on his recent experiences on how to handle the continuous influx of media.”

7. OSU Linebackers: “Joe McKnight? Piece of cake…we handled Ricky Dobbs last week.”

6. Terrelle Pryor: “No time to talk, I have been hired to be President Obama’s new press secretary.”

5. Taylor Mays: “When away from football, I enjoy knitting, reading romance novels, and long walks on the beach.”

4. Mitch Mustain: “I’m gettin’ some tonight.”

3. Jim Tressel: “Let’s do a double-reverse, fake flea flicker.”

2. USC Trojans: “Let’s celebrate a score with a golf clap and a nonchalant handing of the football to the official.”

1. Ohio State Sports Information Department: “Mr. Maurice Clarett will be dotting the “i” today.”

** Obvious Disclaimer: None of the above quotes are real, but instead an attempt at humor