Need directions from Iowa City to Ames for this Saturday's football game? Drive west until you smell it, then north until you step in it.
Yes, like most loyal Iowa Hawkeye fans, I despise the Iowa State Cyclones with a passion. I make no attempt to hide this fact, and never will. But, my hatred goes a bit beyond the typical in-state rivalry.
For me, one of the ways Iowa could improve itself as a state is by encouraging the one-fifth of its residents that actually call themselves Red Crow fans to succeed from the state. We should give them a tax incentive to pack it up and move their Cyclone pride up to South Dakota.
I can't really pinpoint one specific reason I feel this way about Iowa State. It's just in my blood. I think it was passed down to me from a long line of Hawkeye fanatics. What I can do is pick any number of contributing factors that help to solidify my opinion that the Cyclones are the worst team in the history of college football...next to the Arizona Sun Devils, that is.
So, in the spirit of the Iowa vs Iowa State game this weekend, I thought I would arbitrarily pick five of the things I hate the Iowa State Cyclones.
Iowa State University was founded by a Cow. That's right, you read that correctly. According to the online resource Urban Dictionary, Iowa State University was founded by a cow on March 22, 1858. Who takes a university founded by a cow seriously?
If Urban Dictionary isn't a legitimate resource for historical facts, then I don't know what is. Who am I to argue their logic? I mean, have you ever been to the ISU campus in Ames? It kind of smells like a cow's butt, which supports this referece. If that isn't proof enough, I don't know what is.
Cy the Cardinal is about as unoriginal as mascots get. The Cyclone name dates back to 1895, when Iowa suffered an unusually high number of tornadoes. The Chicago Tribune's headline read "Struck by a Cyclone: It Comes from Iowa and Devastates Evanston Town" and the nickname stuck.
Since a cyclone was difficult to depict in costume, a cardinal was selected to represent the school. Cy the Cardinal has been the mascot of Iowa State University's sports teams since around 1954.
They call themselves Cyclones, but their mascot is a cardinal? One is a natural disaster, the other is a small red bird. That makes complete sense.
Cy the Cardinal is also a spit in the face to the the University of Louisville, who claimed the cardinal mascot way before Iowa State was even a school. So, not only does Iowa State make no sense with its ridiculous correlation between a small bird and mother nature's fury, they also blatantly steal ideas from other universities. Iowa State is a class act and Cy is no Herky.
Iowa State University has a Four-to-One, guy-to-girl ratio. Iowa State is known throughout the world for its engineering and agriculture, two things that are not synonymous with the female persuasion. Who in the hell wants to go to college at Sausage Party University?
Iowa State fires coaches for drinking Natural Light. In 2003, while serving as head coach of the Iowa State Cyclones, Larry Eustachy made headlines around the nation by attending a student party in Columbia, Missouri after his team lost to the University of Missouri. He was photographed drinking Natural Light and kissing female students.
Though Eustachy broke no laws, nor provisions of his contract, the university encouraged him to resign from his position and admit to being an alcoholic.
Listen, Nattie Light is the horse snot of beers and I am not arguing otherwise. But the coach of a major college basketball team should be afforded the right to get drunk at student parties with members of the opposing team while drinking whatever beer he wants to without having to fear the repercussions about it the next day.
The Cyclone State Billboard. Iowa State is the skid-mark on the underwear of the state of Iowa. I just felt like saying that.
Despite it being "The Hawkeye State", year after year the Cyclone faithful clamour on and on with their "Cyclone State" ridiculous. One year, Iowa State took the nonsense to the next level with a billboard.
The ISU athletic department paid to have a billboard put up just outside Cedar Rapids, which is 20 miles from Iowa’s campus and in the heart of Hawkeye territory. The billboard read "It's a Cyclone State," which was positioned above a group of Iowa State players celebrating the previous year's win over Iowa.
The billboard had no affect on the outcome of the game, as the Hawkeyes beat the Red Crows in typical fashion that year. The billboard was successful on one front, though. It successfully showed how idiotic Iowa State fans can be.
These are just some of the reasons this Hawkeye nerd hates the Iowa State Red Crows. I do not speak for the whole Hawkeye Nation. I could go on for days, but I have a deadline and need to get back to programming more nerdness.
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