USC To Plead Ignorance On Basketball Program's Existence

Jason reports on USC's unprecedented defense to allegations against its basketball program.

by Jason (Scribe)

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May 22, 2008

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College Basketball, Pac-10 Basketball, USC Basketball, Los Angeles Sports, OJ Mayo, Satire

LOS ANGELES—According to multiple sources close to the NCAA and USC's Athletic Administration, USC is preparing a unique defense against accusations that O.J. Mayo accepted over $30,000 in illegal benefits while enrolled. This defense will include the assertion that USC was unaware it even had a basketball program.

When reached for initial comment, Mike Garrett responded, "Wait, we play basketball? Really? I thought that was just Pete Carroll playing a big practical joke on me. I mean, honestly...have we ever been good at basketball?"

When a reporter pointed out to Garrett that USC made the Sweet 16 last year, Garrett asked, "Is that like the Orange Bowl?"

On campus, students were apparently even less aware of the fact USC had a basketball program. When asked about Davon Jefferson, sophomore Brandi Myles, a Laguna Hills native, said, "I thought he was just here on some sort of special-needs scholarship. You mean he actually played basketball?"

NCAA officials are expected to take a serious look at USC's athletics department, especially given the recent troubles with Reggie Bush, a star on USC's football team.

Still, Myles Brand did seem to offer some hope for USC officials.

"Mike told me it was all a big misunderstanding," Brand said. "He thought the Galen Center was built solely for the use of the women's volleyball team and to waste some bricks."

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comments (3) write a comment »

  1. I heard they didn't even know that they were a school, they thought it was just one big party full of beautiful people, at least thats what Matt Leinart was overheard saying.

  2. it was an okay article but not the best. a good idea but you need to put some more time and effort into it.

  3. was that supposed to be funny?

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