Jose Canseco Resorts To Celebrity Boxing: Could He Take Bonds and Clemens?

Kale TunnessenContributor IMay 21, 2008

Jose Canseco has recently revealed that because of two costly divorces, the mortgage on his home has been foreclosed.

Instead of another book, Canseco has opted to fight some random dude at the Bernie Robbins Stadium in Atlantic City to cover his financial losses.

The former Oakland Athletics embarrassment and steroid aficionado's challenger has not been chosen yet. But when he is, and if he actually goes through with it, he will be paid $5000 to exchange blows inside a boxing ring with the Chemist.

I know this sounds too good (or maybe the word is funny) to be true, but according to Dan Gross of, it's actually gonna happen.

So I propose the following question to you, loyal readers.

I've been keeping up with my baseball news, and I'm pretty sure Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens are out of a job. Why don't the three of them throw some gloves on and duke it out?

And if they did—let's say Jose Canseco, Barry Bonds, and Rogers Clemens had a rumble royale after a few shots of gym candy—who would be the last man standing?


The Case for Canseco:

Well, he's a big, dumb juicer who has nothing better to do than lift weights while people write books for him. Also, he obviously has motivation to put forth an entertaining show so he can hopefully earn a little money.

Remember that he will be fighting regardless of whether or not Bonds and Clemens have the stones to step in the ring. What a strange man.


The Case for Bonds:

At 6'2'', Bonds is the shortest of the warriors, but he is also the youngest. Those knees may be fragile, but I wouldn't underestimate his hatred for Canseco or the fact that he is by far the most athletic of the three.

No, Bonds isn't aloud to use a bat (I'm not sure it would matter if Canseco did), but he is aloud to wear that elbow guard (I don't make the rules).


The Case for Clemens:

With all the negativity surrounding Clemens these past few months, I'm sure he wouldn't mind killing somebody. I'm not sure why he hasn't already jumped at the chance to pick up $5000 while getting the chance to give Jose a beat down.

My personal choice—Clemens, he has the determination, deftness, and drugs needed to come out on top at the end of this hypothetical battle.


Please let me know what you think. I don't see how Clemens could lose.