Bleacher Report's self-proclaimed Poet Laureate Nick Frost presents "Froster's Monday Morning Haikutorial"—a new weekly segment debriefing five noteworthy stories from the past seven days, packaged into an efficient 5-7-5 metric phrasing for your reading pleasure. What better way to start your work week than with a cup of coffee, a stack of TPS reports, and some ancient Japanese poetry?
5. Coming Clean About Mike Comrie's Rumoured Return to the Edmonton Oilers
Keep booing E-Town
Comrie return not likely
Should we thank Ms. Duff?
4. Is There Anyone That Chad Ochocinco Can't Defeat?
Ocho wants Berto
Yet, he still has not beat Phelps
One at a time, schmuck
3. Usain Bolt Wants To Try His Hand (Or Legs) At Dominating Not Just Track, But Also Field
Long jumpers, take heed
Powell's record might be doomed
Usain's just that good
2. NHL Circumvents Playing Nice; Puts In Bid To Buy, Re-sell Phoenix Coyotes
Bettman and cronies
Will select 'Yotes new owner
Balsillie's balls bust
1. Eagles QB Michael Vick Makes His Long-awaited Return to Football
All dogs watch on as
Vick tortures Jaguars instead
Welcome back, Michael