The Schottey Six: Coaches on the Hot Seat in 2009

Jim Zorn shouldn't be here.

Wade Phillips shouldn't be here.

I think both Zorn and Phillips are fine, talented head coaches who are saddled with micromanaging, overspending owners.

That being said, the same overspending owners will probably overspend to bring in a big-name head coach next spring. Both Cowher and Mariucci have been rumored to already be in contact with Daniel Snyder.

It may not be an either/or proposition. Mariucci could even end up in Washington under Cowher as offensive coordinator.

As for Dallas, Jason Garrett could find himself supplanting his head coach, or Jerry Jones could bust out the checkbook for one of the big names available.

I'm betting on both of these men to coach their way OFF the hot seat this year but get canned anyway.

Zorn finds himself another position in the coaching carousel in 2010, while Phillips moves on to either retirement or working a low-stress job under another coach.

(Interesting note: In The Waterboy, when the referee needs a water break, leading Bobby to call a timeout—that ref was Wade Phillips.)

Marvin Lewis shouldn't be here.

He should have been here two years ago.

Somehow, Lewis has gotten a pass each year because Carson Palmer has gotten injured. I'm not sure how Palmer's injury exonerates Lewis from having almost no control over this team.

Cincinnati has only once been better than 8-8 in Lewis' six years coaching. He will probably need a playoff appearance to keep his job.

Again, Jim Caldwell hasn't done much to warrant a position on this list. He's been a great QB coach and is loved by much of the city.

The problem is, even though he was an assistant head coach, he's never been a coordinator. And frankly, being an assistant head coach under Tony Dungy is like being Peyton Manning's backup QB—you don't need to do much.

Also, Caldwell has only been a head coach once, a forgettable eight years at Wake Forest with only one bowl game.

If Caldwell falters, Jim Irsay will be on the phone to Dungy—who is actually 53, a year younger than Caldwell. Even if Dungy doesn't want to come back, Caldwell will have to maintain the status quo to keep his job.

Why is Dick Jauron an NFL head coach?

In nine years of coaching, he's only finished above .500 ONCE.

As a coordinator, he still runs his hybrid version of the Cover 2 defense—which is all but useless at this point unless you're the Minnesota Vikings.

As a teacher, Jauron is equally as useless. Want to make sure you're never a valued coach in the NFL? Serve under Jauron. Only Todd Haley has escaped that stigma because he's also part of the Bill Parcells tree.

The Bills will falter, T.O. will eat Jauron alive, and he should be in the UFL by next season.

A nice spirited debate among NFL fans is whether Bill Ford (Lions) or Al Davis (Raiders) is the worst owner in the NFL.

I'm going with Davis on this one.

Sure, Ford is TOO loyal, sticking with Matt Millen for far too long and promoting from within. But Davis has no loyalty; he changes coaches like his nurse changes his catheter.

This season isn't going to go well for Cable, and he will probably end up punching someone.

Oh, wait, never mind...this just got awkward.

Cowher in Silver and Black? I could see it happening. He might want to sign a front-loaded contract though.

Just kidding...enjoy the cute picture!

Four things I like about this picture.

1) Childress has obviously pinpointed what makes Andy Reid a great coach. Gaining weight and adding a neckbeard could save his career.

2) Take a close look. That isn't a white and black sweatsuit, and Childress doesn't have four arms. Did you see three people in the picture before I said that?

3) Brett Favre might as well be carrying a knife, because this season will either result in Favre making Chilly into a hero with the football or killing his career.

4) You're bald, we get it, but the hat is ridiculous.

In all seriousness, Brad Childress has legitimately ridden on Andy Reid's coattails long enough. Leslie Frazier is the only reason this team has had any success.

If the offense doesn't catch up with the defense this season and Minnesota doesn't go deep into the playoffs, Childress will be (rightfully) out of a job.

Leslie Frazier

He has figured out how to run the Tampa 2 and still win football games, but he was a good defensive mind even before he knew Tony Dungy. He's respected and once built a college program from the ground up.

If he's not named Brad Childress' replacement, he'll be somewhere else in a heartbeat.

Todd Bowles

Wherever he goes, a team's secondary gets better. Now he's the Dolphins' assistant head coach and will get a lot of interviews as a minority candidate. He will impress someone enough to stick.

Russ Grimm

One of the greatest offensive guards in the history of the game, Grimm has gotten the shaft in a decent number of coaching searches. He's been an assistant head coach for two years and has a pristine résumé.

Jason Garrett

He could easily replace Wade Phillips in Dallas but will probably find himself lured elsewhere by big big money. Garrett's a good offensive mind who has found his jewel to have lost some polish with Dallas' slumping record under Phillips.