Pictured: Scott Hairston of the San Diego Padres
Every sports fan has at least three teams in every major sport that they are completely apathetic about. They have no real, star power. They’re usually not very talented, and they don’t even have a dirty player that you can hate. In short, they have absolutely no character at all. Here are the three teams that you’d have to pay me to watch.
San Diego Padres
As a Dodger fan in Los Angeles, I routinely have the displeasure of seeing Padres games since the Dodgers play them about twenty times a season. I’ll tune in for about two innings until a player like Scott Hairston is up to bat, and by then I’ll have already fallen asleep.
Now that they’ve signed Jody Gerut, I’ve officially been diagnosed with narcolepsy. You could make a case for Peavy, but any noise he makes in the MLB is drowned out by all the yawning from all the other players.
The only thing I can give San Diego is they have the worst (best) fans on Earth. Whether it be the Chargers or the Padres, if you encounter anyone wearing a San Diego hat or jersey, they are guaranteed to be a grade-A douche bag that you love to hate.
Washington Nationals
Remember the beginning of their first season when they actually looked like they’d be a decent team, and everyone stated buying their hats to jump on the bandwagon early? Well, all those fairweather fans have moved onto ruining other MLB teams' (Red Sox) images and have completely forgotten about the Nats. The Nats' biggest star, Ryan Zimmerman, is hitting .245 right now and is showing everyone why his AAU coaches sat him so David Wright could play: he sucks.
The Nats also hold the title of “Most Bland Uniform” in all of sports. The least they could do is a get a third jersey like the Padres, with their ghastly camouflage ones. At least then I could be entertained by making fun of those.
Minnesota Twins
Livan Hernandez is their No. 1 starter. I could stop right there and that would be enough reason to completely disregard this team all season, but I’ll continue for the sake of comedy. They traded away their best pitcher/player (maybe top five all time) for a whole truck-load of Mets garbage. It’s like the Twin’s GM Bill Smith is a bizarro version of Billy Beane, who instead of trading for unknown diamonds-in-the-rough, Smith can only pick up over-hyped versions of Juan Pierre.
If you thought that scouting was the only sign of Twins' ineptitude, think again. They’re building a new outdoor stadium. In Minnesota; arguably the coldest place in America. I guess it shouldn’t be too big of a issue since the Twins won’t make it past September until global warming will have solved that problem.
What teams are on your list?
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4 months ago
On the stadium, had the Twins had an outdoor stadium this year, several of their games would have been snowed out. Snow, not rain, snow. Not just in April, also in May. May, as in the month of.
from 4 months ago
Regardless, the joke still stands. It's a stupid move that's on a long list of stupid moves by the brass in Minnesota.
from 4 months ago
I'm sorry, but I just need to have a list. What "stupid moves" are you talking about? Former Twin's GM Terry Ryan was regarded as one of the brightest and smartest GMs in MLB.
Remember the Pierzynski trade?
And about Livan Hernandez...he's no joke. He is 6-2 this year, and doing a fine job even without a pitch over 90 mph.
from 4 months ago
Considering Carlos Gomez is the best prospect they got out of a deal for the best pitcher in baseball, I'd call that pretty stupid. And if he was so smart how come he could never win an AL championship let alone a world series in his 12 years? And if he was so smart, how come he still isn't the GM instead of the "senior adviser."
Livan Hernandez is about as reliable as a Ford Pinto. Just ask the Giants. He'll crash soon enough once they find out how to test for the steroids he's taking.
They stadium move is absolutely dumb. When it snows pretty much from late September to May and is unbearably cold starting in September, it's pretty obvious it's a stupid move.
And my original point is I could care less about them. And the only people who do live in Minnesota or are still fans from when Kirby Puckett still played.
4 months ago
"Whether it be the Chargers or the Padres, if you encounter anyone wearing a San Diego hat or jersey, they are guaranteed to be a grade-A douche bag that you love to hate."
Sounds like you are the douche bag without a football team in L.A. Or even worse, you are a Radier fan.
from 4 months ago
I rest my case ^
4 months ago
Questions for you about your choice to include the Twins:
1) What does it matter if Livan Hernandez is their top starter. The golden rule about pitching reveals that changing speeds and disrupting a hitters timing is infinately more valuable then having a 90+ mph fastball. Livan Hernandez is (so far) doing an excellent job of this, and is therefore winning lots of ballgames for his team.
2) Your comment about trading our best pitcher for a "truckload of Mets garbage" is not completely valid. We needed to get rid of Santana because we could no longer afford to pay him, and the Twins brass took a chance on some young prospects to grow. His 5-2 record with an ERA over 3.00 is simply not reflective of his 137 million dollar contract up to this point in time, so it seems that the Twins may have traded him at the perfect time (although he may heat up during the 2nd half of the season). Also, this "Mets trash" includes Carlos Gomez who has performed exceptionally well up to this point in time, and there is always a possibility that the other young players will start to shine as well.
3) As for the outdoor stadium... well... I'm with you on this one. Would it be too much to ask for a retractable roof!?
from 4 months ago
My original point was that I couldn't care less about them. They just aren't exciting. Even Oakland is more exciting than the Twins and they have even less money than the Twins.
And if you want to think Gomez is performing well, consider his split stats against RHP. Also check out his OBP. Also consider how awful he is in CF.
What's your top 3?
4 months ago
Really, the Twins?!?! How can you say bad things about a team with a payroll in the bottom 5 in baseball every year that still manages to make the post season, and even win the AL Central? They are still my pick to win the AL Central this year.
About the GM: The guy is regarded as one of the best in MLB, right up there with the GM from Oakland and Florida (when it comes to getting talent). They do the best they can with a small budget.
About the stadium: The Metrodome is by far the worst sports venue in all of Professional sports. For both football and baseball. Especially for baseball. The new stadium is needed. The reason it is outdoor is because surveys of Twins fans showed they prefered an outdoor stadium. They couldn't get a budget approved for a moving roof like in Milwauke. ANd about the weather: Minnesota gets WAY less snow than both Chicago and Cleveland and Detroit and Colorado. All of which do just fine with outdoor stadiums.
So, all in all, its hard to bash the Twins. It would be like making fun of a 13 yr old kid in a pickup basketball game with his 18 yr old brother. Keeping the game competitive is amazing, and the Twins do just that.
from 4 months ago
You have to factor in how cold it is as well and how that'll affect attendance, not just snowfall.
And again, I just don't think they have any character. Boring.
4 months ago
Top 3 teams I care less about:
Whitesox, Padres, Yankees. Based off of opinions though, not on facts.
4 months ago
Seattle, San Diego, Yankees.
4 months ago
I think the worst part about these comments is no one likes my "goomba" picture from Mario Bros. the movie of Scott Hairston.
I'll be weeping over here in the corner.
from 4 months ago
The goomba pic was nice! Seeing that took me back a few years.
4 months ago
Sorry, i'm at work and spent the last 20 minutes trying to read this. I was going to comment of your picture, I did enjoy that.
Three teams for me, got to go with: Washington Nationals, Minnesota Twins, and Seattle Mariners.
I know your list of three is final, but can you list the Mariners as an honorable mention.
from 4 months ago
I technically care about them because I hate Richie Sexson with every fiber in my body.
4 months ago
So much hate...
Sounds like you have alot of hate for San Diego and there fans. Last time I saw the Dodgers they havent done much the last few years and with a payroll over $100 million... Does it all really matter anyways? Arizona will be running away with the pennant the next few years and Kevin Towers has something against getting a star hitter... At least you have this guy waiting in the wing - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clayton_Kershaw
The one thing I can say is that we have a great stadium and the Chargers will win it all in 08 - make your bets now at 10 to 1
Not all of us wearing a SD hat and LT jersey are douche bags, however most Yankee / Dodger fans are. Strange that when the Oakland Raiders and LA Dodgers come to town security goes up at the game...
from 4 months ago
Oh wait. When's the last time the Padres won a world series? Oh yeah, never.
And I don't hate the padres, I just hate watching them. Especially if it's at petco. Most boring team in the league hands down.
And equating the Dodgers and the Yankees is ridiculous. And I'll be the first to complain about how shitty Ned Colletti is (GM). Schmidt and Jones are public enemies # 1 and 2. Yuck. Nomar is a close third. Schmidt, Nomar and Juan Pierre's contracts are up soon. So we'll see what other moronic moves he can make.
And I'd rather deal with thugged out mexicans in LA rather than douchy frat boys in san diego anyday.
4 months ago
By the way I noticed that Washington was also on your list...
Have you ever seen khalil greene or ryan zimmerman play in the field?
Not everything exciting in baseball has to do with scoring runs. Get your head out of your ass or move over to the amerian league so you can have football scores
from 4 months ago
Yes I have. I just went to the Mets / Nats game in April and it was awful. I routinely see Khalil Green and he's definitly no Troy Tulowitzki.
Plus his hair makes him look like a woman. GET A HAIRCUT KHALIL.
4 months ago
I like the fact you say We as Padres fans are class-A douchebags. Cause its funny how we find Dodgers fans to be the same when they visit our ballpark. I think all fans are douchebags if you really want to put it in perspective and there isnt one who isn't one these days.
from 4 months ago
The Frat Boy to Regular Man ratio in San Diego is 1:2 as opposed to 1:25 in LA. And if you judge by how other fans are when they come to YOUR park, they're all douche bags. I'm talking about when I go to San Diego and I'm not even wearing any Dodgers gear. It's like I'm back in college and I've been dragged to a party that I want to leave. To entertain myself, I usually just steal their kegs, but at petco I'd get arrested.
4 months ago
From the Midwest; the 3 teams that I forget existed. San Diego, San Fran, and LA Dodgers.
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