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Oliver Perez is the Devil

NEW YORK - AUGUST 01:  Oliver Perez #46 of the New York Mets pitches against the Arizona Diamondbacks on August 1, 2009 at Citi Field in the Flushing neighborhood of the Queens borough of New York City.  (Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)
David MarineSenior Writer IMay 29, 2016

I do not make this claim lightly and frankly it's no joking matter, but I've come to the conclusion that Oliver Perez is the devil.

The year is 2006 and a desperate man named Oliver Perez decided to sell his soul to the devil for a shot at pitching greatness in game 7 of the 2006 NLCS. Perez relinquished his soul to the sole possession of the devil and got some majestic pitching magic out of it. In fact an Endy Chavez, catch sealed the deal for Perez and he thought he had made the best move of his life.

But of courses, the devil is a conniving being and as soon as Perez was taken out of the game, the deal was sealed, and one Yadier Molina at bat later the devil laughed at the foolishness of his subject. And so Perez has set a course for destruction not only for his mortal being, but for the franchise he is a part of.

You think the past two seasons have not had some influence by an evil and unseemly source? Do you think that giving up six runs in the first inning and being pulled with a 3-0 count to the pitcher is not the sort of thing only the seediest of minds could concoct? Or that Sunday's game was ultimately ended on the most freakish of plays in all of baseball right in the midst of the most unlikely of comebacks?

No team is this cursed on its own and I can trace it all back to that game 7 in 2006. Ever since that day, Oliver Perez has cast a shadow on this franchise and fooled them into believing he could be the pitcher they saw on that one day in October.

He does not exist. The mortal being known as Oliver Perez exists no more. The Devil himself lives in Queens and the Mets need to exorcise Perez from this team.

Pay him his ridiculous contract, but send him off to Buffalo to rot away his remaining years. I don't care that he's young. I don't care that he's been lights out in certain starts. I know a cancer when I see one and it's name is Oliver Perez.

Until the Mets right this wrong be prepared for a continued spiral downward into the depths of destruction.

Oliver Perez is no ordinary man. He's pure evil.

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