Dear Awesome Eldin™: El Presidente Edition Replied By Cool D™

As everyone knows, Awesome Eldin™ is the one who celebrities write to for help, but unfortunately his Peacey (PC) died, so he is not available physically and emotionally (the guy has issues, what can I say) to answer their problems, many letters have been lining up. So he said to me, "Cool D™, you answer some mail for me!"

I am after all, a Community Leader, how could I say no to anyone in need, so I sat down, and scourged through millions of mails (mostly from Rafa and Sir Red Nose) and chose to answer El Presidente—Florentino Perez's letter, for some reasons unexplained.

The awesome™ one usually shows the message sent to him, so I have to comply with all his rules.

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Dear Awesome Eldin™,

I had been meaning to write to you for a couple of days now, but I have been busy reconstructing the team, you might have read about it in the papers.

Mr. Awesome™, I need help. I don't understand why, but I like FIFA World Player(s) and Baloon d'Or winners who look good, and slick. They say I JUST buy pretty players!

They say I want to sell T-shirts and tickets to the game; I ask, who doesn't? Name one team who wants their stadium empty, and their store room full of jerseys (which are changed every year)?

People think that, that is my sole motto, but it's not, We want some of the trophies too, our Catalan rivals have them all, they don't want to share; this was the only way I saw fit to bring home at least one.

Mr. Awesome™, I know I was foolish to sack Vicente Del Bosque, selling Redondo, Heirro, and not offering a pay-raise to Makelele, and have accepted that, but people still think that I do not love good managers, Canteranos or defensive players.

I do not understand, I was told that Xabi Alonso plays as a deep lying midfielder, and Arbeloa and Albiol are defenders. I think that I should have checked a copy of FIFA 09 or FIFA Manager first, which people keep referring to, when they talk about my signings these days.

I am also accused of not buying enough defenders but if my counting is correct we already have plenty of quality defenders.

People are also saying, and I quote, "The Galactico Pimp's signings won't be able to play together, their ego will get in the way, he's an idiot!"

I have been watching the preseason matches and the team looks good to me, but as people say, "What do I know football?" Please help.

Muchas Gracias

Florentino Perez—El Presedente, Real Madrid

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Note: Please take one minute silence for Awesome Eldin™'s Peacey.

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