"It's a Conspiracy, I Tell You!" NFC North Edition

I was going to write an "It's a Conspiracy, I Tell You!" article about the NFC North weeks ago when Brett Favre would NOT sign with the Vikings, but now that he has signed with them...

First of all I must say that there is no truth to the rumor that Farve signed with the Vikes to beat the Packers, screw the Packers, or do anything else to the Packers, Mike McCarthy, the city of Green Bay or Packer Nation worldwide.

Then again you have the conspiracy about Jay Cutler signing with the Bears so the Bears could beat the Vikes, knowing the Vikes would eventually get Favre.

So, without further ado...

The REAL Reason Brett Favre Signed with the Vikings

See this picture of Vikings Head Coach Brad Childress getting some love from this guy who will not reveal himself?

Well, when Lord Favre saw this, called "Chilly," and told him in no uncertain terms, "You SOB, I thought I was your main man!"

Thus leading to his prompt un-retirement.

The Real Reason Jay Cutler Signed with the Bears

See that man above?

He's former Arizona Cardinals Coach Dennis Green. A few years ago, his Cardinals played the Chicago Bears. After leading by several touchdowns, his team proceeded to blow the game due to miscues and the Bears' D capitalized on all of them to take the lead and win the game.

After the game, he gave a very famous press conference were he announced, banging the podium:

"The Bear Are Who We Thought They Were! If You Want to Crown 'Em, Then Crown Their @sses!"

Well, Jay Cutler, who has seen several of the NFL Network's "Top Ten" shows which feature this rant, and it got to him. He kept on hearing in his sleep, "The Bears are who we thought they were!"

That's why he joined the Bears. Money had nothing to do with it.

The Real Reason the Detroit Lions Went 0-16 In 2008

They tried to get him with the Lions in 2008, but late in 2007 after winning only one game that year, the Dolphins signed Bill Parcells to clean house.

Now, as the 2008 season carried on and it was looking as if the Bill Parcells regime was seriously turning around the Fins, the Ford family got together and said, "Gee Wiz! The Dolphins were 1-15 in 2007, and look at 'em! They are still in the AFC East title race! After 14 games!"

And, taking a turn at using that famous Tony Sparano expression he uses to motivate his players, the Ford family in unison shouted,

"WHY NOT US???"

So, instead of winning at least one game in 2008, they got the Lions to go 0-16, thinking maybe Parcells would opt out of his deal with Fins owner Wayne Huizenga as he was selling the team to Steve Ross, as he was allowed to do.

But leave it to the Fords to come up with a scheme that wouldn't work.

The Real Reason the Packers Got Rid of Favre

They wanted Aaron Rodgers to step in.

But then again, that's no conspiracy!

The Real Real Reason the Vikes Signed Favre

Now they think the Vikes signed Favre to win the Super Bowl.

They couldn't be more wrong.

The Detroit Lions will still become this years turnaround team (even without Parcells), and the Vikes know it, so that's why they signed Favre:

To Beat the Lions!