This week I was chilling out, waiting for my bookie Albert to call me, when I was SHOCKED to see on ESPN SportsCenter that Brett Favre had signed with the Minnesota Vikings. What?! This man was once as dependable as waking up on a Sunday morning to see Catholics making the “walk of shame” to church! This man has now been resurrected from the dead more than Jesus Christ himself and frankly…I don’t understand how our Lord and Savior could let that happen, because we all know that Jesus is a Bears fan.
Hebrews 9:26, “In the end of the world hath he appeared to put away sin by the sacrifice of himself.” This explains everything: why the economy is starting to look up, the public option on healthcare is most likely going to be voted down and my power ratings are not in the dumpster yet.
Things aren’t getting better! The end is near! Do not put your hope in false prophets like Jay Cutler! Batten down the hatches and start praying. Brett Favre, by dragging his broke-ass body out onto the field in purple and gold, is ushering the final Armageddon… or yet another year of phone calls at 3 AM from my bookie Albert.