5 Things That Should Scare Every Cardinal Fan

Aaron HooksCorrespondent IAugust 19, 2009

When the crux of your content ruminates from biting cynicism and bald-faced bitching, the activities in the past 2 months as it pertains to the St. Louis Cardinals are not particularly topics in this scribes 'wheelhouse'. In fact, just yesterday, I appeared on the nationally syndicated Papa Joe Chevalier show and Joe told me the following: "Lighten up, man. You sound like a Yankee fan."


But still, even with the admonishment of a Radio icon, I'll go ahead and leave the overt dick sucking up to the pros over at FSN. Instead, let's make a list of things that scare the living hell out of me. And should scare the living hell out of you. Not because we're trying to rock the good ship lollipop... but because it's mid-August and things seem to be eerily too good to be true.

We need a bat? Let's get Matt Holliday! We need a spare arm? How bout a flyer on John Smoltz!! Hell, even 'Hands of Stone' Lugo, as BoSox fans dubbed him, has been rock solid and out to grind his way into a line-up that is getting harder and harder to crack for guys like Ricky Dicky Doo and Skip Shumaker. It's utopia. Or is it.

5 Things That Should Scare The Hell Out of Every Cardinal Fan...

1) Ryan Franklin. This week the Cards closer became only the 7th in franchise history to get to the 30-save plateau. But he did it with a warning track shot that almost wasted a Chris Carpenter gem. October baseball has never- ever- seen a team catch fire and win the World Series without a dominate closer. Ryan Franklin has been in the majors a long time and has never done this well. Perhaps he's found 'it' and will remain the stopper he's been all season.... or will he? He certainly doesn't strike out many and a bloop hit to Jimmy Rollins and a walk to Chase Utley means Ryan Howard's coming up to tie or win a game. Scare Factor? 4 Old English 40's

2) Albert Pujols' elbow. Pujols has made it through every season without the elbow finally giving out. But he's never had a season that included a Home Run Derby with Shaq and another derby for the all-star game either. Maybe he's doing everything he can to nurse this chronic issue through October... or is he. Scare Factor? 2 Busch Light Double Deuce's

3) Joel Pinero. I think even Joel Pinero knows he's not this good. But will Joel Pinero remember he's Joel Pinero before the playoffs? Scare Factor? 1 12oz Coors Light

4) Tony LaRussa. The Genius isn't very good with cruise control. He loves to tinker, tweak and generally over think every single move in every single game to the point where a team not only underperforms- it pretty much gets pissed. We've all been with TLR long enough to know he's a good to great manager, but he does his best work when he's the scrappy underdog. Not when he's the bonafide front runner. Scare Factor? 3 Shots of Jameson. Chilled.

5) The New York Times. This year has been an especially good year for the investigative prowess of the NYT. Boston was slipping a bit before the Big Papi ordeal broke and now the Sox find themselves in a dog fight for the wild card. Does any Cardinal have anything to hide? Were any on the infamous list of 104? We don't know... but the dreaded anonymous sources could pop up and cause a dream season to be derailed by the media machine. Scare Factor? 2 Bud Diesels

Yes. These are all not probable... but they are possible. And that's the point. Are you 100% sure that this team is on a date with destiny? On a collision course with 11?