My Conversation with Novak Djokovic (Humor)

Robert OrzechowskiAnalyst IAugust 20, 2009

CINCINNATI - AUGUST 19:  Novak Djokovic of Serbia reacts to a missed shot against Ivan Ljubicic of Crotia during day three of the Western & Southern Financial Group Masters on August 19, 2009 at the Lindner Family Tennis Center in Cincinnati, Ohio.  (Photo by Nick Laham/Getty Images)

I got a call close to midnight last night.  I scurried to the phone still trying to re-route myself back from slumber land. 

The voice on the other end was desperate and drunk.  I cleared my eyes and tried to listen. Words are not comprehended as quickly when a foreign accent is involved.

 

Novak D.: Hello, is this Robert Orzechowski?

Robert O:  Yes, who is this and do you realize what time you are calling?

Novak D:  Robert, I am a tennis player and I am in need of your assistance.

Robert O:  Look, I am not buying anything, especially from Eastern Europe.  Do you telemarketers realize what time it is here in Canada?

Novak D:  Robert, this is Novak Djokovic.

Robert O:  Novak Djokovic?  This is a prank right?  Why the hell would Novak Djokovic be calling me of all people?

Novak D:  I have read your articles and you are almost the last writer that writes about me, anywhere! 

Robert O:  I hope you have not read my articles about you or this could be a tad embarrassing.

Novak D:  No worries. I make fun of Nadal. You make fun of me. Roger makes fun of you and on it goes.

Robert O:  Wait a minute...Roger makes fun of me?

Novak D: That is not important now.  I need you to write an article saying that I am back.

Robert O: But you aren't back.

Novak D: Yes, I am.

Robert O:  Uh, no you are not.

Novak D: Yes, I am back.

Robert O:  Wait a minute. Do you mean that you are back on tour?

Novak D: No, I mean back in form.

Robert O: Oh I see...of course.  In that case, no, you are not. 

Novak D: Yes, I am.

Robert O: Look, you obviously have not had the same results as in 2008.  You lost your No. 3 ranking, you don't do impersonations anymore, you have gone all serious, you changed your racket.  How exactly are you back?

Novak D:  You know, I phoned Rob York and he did not give me this much trouble. 

Robert O:  Really, you phoned Rob York before you called here?

Novak D: Yes.

Robert O: And he did not give you the trouble that I am giving you?

Novak D:  No, he hung up on me. 

Robert O: Smart guy.

Novak D:  Please Robert, I am begging you.  I will give you exclusive interviews when I win my next slam.

Robert O:  Yeah, right. What is it exactly I should be writing about?

Novak: I want you to write about the Novak Djokovic who bares it all after a tennis match.

Robert O: Actually, I already did a humor piece about you doing a Playgirl spread.

Novak D:  No, I want a serious piece about me.

Robert O:  Serious piece?  You do realize that I am a humor writer!

Novak D: LJ Silver was right about you. You are a...how do you say...a one-trick horse.

Robert O: You called LJ Silver too?

Novak D: Yes, but he could not help me unless I got him a Lleyton Hewitt interview and well, I don't like Hewitt that much to do it.  So can you help me?

Robert O:  Well, let me see. If I think really hard about this and this should be a no-brainer, I would definitely, positively have to say no. 

Novak D:  (checking his book) OK, thank you...now I have to call JA Allen. Goodbye!

Robert O:  Hey, wait a minute. How does Roger make fun of me?

(click)

Robert O: I am going to pound the right side of my brain if this is a dream.

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