Takin' a T/O with BT: Ten Ways to Talk Sports at the Prom

3. Don’t wear anything to do with sports.

This is a big one. If you wear sports-related paraphernalia, then that’s like telling her, “If we ever get married, our kitchen is getting painted [insert favorite team’s colors].”

In other words, it’s a dead giveaway that at some point in the night, you’ll be ditching her for sports and she will not be happy. Not only does it insinuate that you’re thinking of sports the entire time, but some women also have this hatred of anything sports-related ending up in their photo albums—and a Detroit Red Wings tie or a Chicago White Sox hat is probably a good way to end up in the dog house.

4. Keep a football or something sports-related in the car.

This one is a little contingent on what’s happening after prom.

If you guys are going to a beach or something, then bringing a football or a few baseball gloves are completely understandable, as it’s not prom anymore. It’s a trip to the beach, and all bets are off regarding sports-related stuff and it's still an “elegant evening.”

As for whipping the football out in the parking lot of wherever your prom is being held at and chucking it around at any point in the evening, it won’t work quite as well.

Not only are you vacant at the "prom area" for an extended period of time, but you’re not even close to “taking this as seriously as you should be.”

5. Take a portable radio or TV.

This runs along the same lines as the football. You can’t go out to your car to check the scores of the game. It’s too obvious, and as we’ve discussed, leaving the premises is a no-no.

So, now that your MP3 player can double as a radio, or your cell phone can get text alerts of scores, you can set yourself up to receive the latest news from the sporting world!

A big-time trade went down? You’ll hear about it! Big game tonight? You’ll know the score!

Whatever developments take place that night, you’ll be in the know! (I’m not advertising anything, that last paragraph just kind of rolled out of my mind with no intention of selling radios/MP3 players…as far as you know.)

6. Don’t overdo it.

Maybe your date is fine with you talking a little sports at her prom. In that case, you’ve lucked out, and you probably don’t need any more help aside from this.

However, even if she allows you to, talk sports sparingly. Intersperse some sports talk with your buddies throughout the night, but make sure it isn’t the only thing you talk about.

If some major event (hopefully not featuring Roger Clemens—seriously, we’ve had enough already) happened that day, or is going to happen, and you need to talk about it, use code names.

If you’re talking about how you hope your favorite team could make it to the Stanley Cup Finals, then change the name to your favorite amusement park.

Example:

Wrong: “Wow Jimmy, I’m really looking forward to our boys going to the Stanley Cup final this year.”

Right: “Wow Jimmy, I hope we get to take a trip to Darien Lake this year! That’d be swell!

Just remember, even if she’s prepared to let you talk sports at certain junctions in the night, don’t overdo it unless you can hide it.

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