Miss Me With Your Best Shot: The 12 Most Pathetic Fight Attempts In Sports

Kevin Youkilis got owned last season.

I guess he got tired of being plunked one too many times and decided to go after Rick Porcello. Porcello started backing away and Youkilis, unable to contain his anger any longer, took off his helmet and threw it at Porcello.

What? Who throws a helmet? Honestly.

Then Youkilis tried to tackle him, but he was taking too long, so Porcello decided to flip him around and toss Youkilis to the ground, landing on him.

Owned.

But where does Youkilis' feeble fighting attempt put him in history? Let's take a look at the 12 Most Pathetic Fighting Attempts In Sports.

Deion Sanders and Andre Rison

Deion Sanders and Andre Rison had been going at each other all game when tensions finally boiled over and the most raw of fight erupted on national television. That’s right, I’m talking about the slap fight.

Granted, it’s not always the best idea to hit someone in the helmet with your fist, but that’s no excuse for acting like a couple of pissed off sorority sisters on the gridiron.

Carmelo Anthony

Carmelo Anthony is from the streets! In case you didn’t know, he is extremely anti-snitching and from the looks of this fight with the New York Knicks, he is very pro-sucker punching.

Not only did he throw a sucker punch, but he retreated the full length of the court afterward. Even when I sucker punch someone I only jump back out of arms length. The incident wasn’t entirely bad, though. That was actually the most Melo had hustled all year.

Brett Favre

Brett Favre is one of the toughest competitors I will ever meet… or so I’m told by an adoring media. I had a different opinion after watching Michael Strahan “sack” him to break the single-season sack record.

See, Michael and Brett are good buddies and Strahan needed just one more sack to break the record when he “broke through” the line and headed straight for Favre. As soon as Strahan got close to him, Favre crumpled immediately with the whole “Oh no, I’m getting sacked, ahhhhh” acting that was worse than Channing Tatum in G.I. Joe.

If Favre would have gone down that easily in a fight, Aaron Rodgers would have been the starting quarterback for Green Bay a lot sooner. Let’s just say that much.

Robin Ventura

Pitchers are wimps. They are the punters of the baseball world. At least that used to be the stigma. Then Robin Ventura charged Nolan Ryan and the world got to see that pitchers were no pushovers.

Of course, it’s not all Ryan. Ventura charged the mound with seemingly no plan of attack and allowed himself to get in a headlock where he got repeatedly punched in the face. That probably would have continued if his teammates hadn’t all taken the field to protect their hapless hitter from the big bad pitcher.

Now Robin Ventura has to spend the rest of his life seeing a picture of him getting the crap beat out of him by Nolan Ryan, framed in every sports memorabilia shop there is… all signed by Ryan of course.

Jeff Van Gundy

When I see a fight, my first reaction is to get involved. There’s just something imprinted in our man DNA that makes us want to fight. However, if there is a fight between a bunch of 7-foot giants, I’m probably going to sit that one out.

Apparently, Jeff Van Gundy does not think like me. He saw his team get into a fight and ran to “assist.” What he ended up doing was locking onto Alonzo Mourning’s leg like Yoda and doing nothing other than make me laugh.

I still can not find a video of this, but the picture is amusing enough for now. It’s hard to believe this actually happened.

The Guy Ron Artest Went After In the Stands

Speaking of what to do when NBA players are fighting…

The change in the guy’s face between “I’m yelling insulting things at Ron Artest” and “Holy crap, Ron Artest is coming straight for me” is priceless.

Here’s another tip: when a crazy NBA player is charging at you with crazy eyes, don’t keep your hands by your side. He’s not going to stop because you’re not defending yourself. He’s going to slam your head into the ground.

Either take a swing and try to defend yourself, or quickly get in the fetal position on the floor. When Ron Artest is involved, there’s nothing wrong with the fetal position.

Anthony Reddick

Miami and Florida International are just nine miles apart. It’s safe to assume there is more than a fair share of bad blood. Which is why it’s not completely surprising that a bench clearing brawl broke out between them.

What is surprising is Anthony Reddick joining the ruckus with his helmet as his weapon of choice. He looked like an old woman coming in swinging her purse.

This was the same brawl where somebody got freaking body slammed and Reddick comes in wielding a helmet. Rookie.

Aaron Downey and Brad Norton

I’m an optimist.

You see the world’s worst hockey fight.

I see the world’s most intense staring contest.

Staring contest

Don Zimmer

Everybody gets mad at Pedro Martinez for throwing Don Zimmer to the ground, but I applaud him.

What do you do in that situation? You can’t punch him, you can’t run away. The best thing you could have done is harmlessly toss him to the ground.

Zimmer on the other hand was pretty much out of his mind. What is a 73-year-old man doing charging into a fight? Did they tell him that Pedro stole his supply of Fibercil? Unless Zimmer had a cane to start beating Pedro with, he shouldn’t have been out there at all.

Rafer Alston

Again with the slapping!

Use your words Rafer!

Mike Tyson

This is probably worse than all the slapping.

Tyson actually bit off a chunk of Evander Hollyfield’s ear during a fight. A fight where you’re actually supposed to punch people, no less.

Tyson was doing two things that night. One, he was announcing to the world that he was nuts, and two, announcing to the world that he couldn’t fight anymore. When you have to resort to biting… you’re done.

Danica Patrick

The most annoying fight is a catfight with no clawing or hair pulling. When Danica Patrick and Milka Duno squared off, what had the potential to be one of the most awesome moments of all time ended up fizzling out because it was all talk.

Basically, Danica is complaining that Milka is too slow. She says things like “It’s not my fault you’re slow” and “I just wanted to talk to her!” Ugh, I’m so bored I can’t even take it.

Milka spices things up a little bit by throwing a towel in Danica’s face, but it wasn’t enough to save this stupid catfight.

The best part about this video though, the one part that absolutely cracks me up is the look on every man’s face as hey listen to Patrick whine that is basically saying “I hate my job so much.”