A Montreal Canadiens' Fan Guide: Cheering for Another Team in the Finals

 Winner: Penguins 

2)      What have they done to the Canadiens recently?  

-Stars: besides taking Ribeiro in ’06 for a 5^th round draft pick and some dude I’ve never heard of, not much.

-Flyers: dude I’ve never heard of now plays for the Flyers but the Flyers also ousted the Habs in round 2 of the playoffs. Henceforth, the Flyers lose my respect which they technically never had in the first place.

-Penguins: Maid Marian Hossa could’ve been sporting a Habs jersey this year in the playoffs. Would he have led the Canadiens to round 3? Probably not.

-Red Wings: If they harmed the Canadiens recently I can’t remember.

 Winner: Red Wings 

3)      How many hot players make up the team?  

-Stars: Up until Ribeiro got traded to the Stars I wasn’t even aware that Dallas had a sports team other than the Cowboys. Or that Texans were even into hockey for that matter. Stars are therefore disqualified from this question due to my ignorance.

-Flyers: None. End Scene.

-Penguins: Although Sidney Crosby is having a hard time growing a playoff beard – seriously, what is that on his face? – he’s still a cute kid. And Jordan Staal who may or may not be a convicted felon is also quite the looker. Marian Hossa looks like a transparent Viking who drew his playoff beard on with a highlighter but every other woman in North America seems to find him attractive so I’ll include him.

- Red Wings: They’re not all ugly but there isn’t one player who stands out. Maybe I’d let Osgood hit on me but he’d have to promise to introduce me to Tom Brady (all athletes know each other, right?).

 Winner: Penguins 

4) How many StanleyCups does the team already have? 

-Stars: 1 so I guess they’re due for another.

-Flyers, Penguins: 2, I guess they’re also due.

-Red Wings: 10, that’s enough.

 Winner: Stars 

5)      Do they have mad skillz? 

Well yeah, otherwise they wouldn’t have made it this far in the playoffs.

 Winner: All 

That settles it then. Now I need to practice yelling “Go Pens!” without bile coming up.

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