TAMPA, FL—Three-time AL MVP Alex Rodriguez expressed disappointment today that his quad strain prevented him from playing Sunday and using the special Mother’s Day bats, as he feels that would have led to multiple humorous observations from the sports world.
“Yeah, the possibilities are really endless,” the Yankees third baseman said while taking a break from his rehab. “From the tried-and-true ‘He loves pink because he’s gay’ to a more clever ‘A-Rod loves the feel of a hard pink piece of wood in his hands,’ this was a missed opportunity for the sports world. I haven’t been this sad since Queer Eye ended.”
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Shortstop Derek Jeter was quick to agree with Rodriguez’s sentiments. “Look, it obviously would have made everyone’s day to talk about Alex’s great stroke with a pink bat, but you have to move on. Tomorrow’s another day, and hopefully we’ll have another report like the ‘A-Rod loves the muscular she-male type‘ one.”
“Though on a personal level,” added Jeter, “I haven’t seen his this disappointed since we stopped having our sleepovers."
Still, Rodriguez was certain that he would somehow press on in the face of this adversity.
“Look, if anything, the lack of proof makes this more of a story. Just because you haven’t seen me holding something thick and pink in my hands doesn’t mean I don’t want to. Trust me guys, my fondest wish is to be back out there ready for the pitcher to give me all he’s got, to be in the stadium with all the guys and their pink bats, and to encourage gay jokes without actually being gay.”
“Seriously guys,” he said. “I love strippers.”
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3 months ago
just locker room humor that people will make a big deal about
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