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Chelsea Unveil New Juggernaut

illya mclellanSenior Analyst IMay 14, 2008

Speculation surrounding transfer deals has reached new levels of fever after the announcement of Avram Grant having found the answer to all of his problems a week out from the Champions league Final.

A player so gifted that some have said that when he plays on a flooded pitch the other team may as well retreat to the 18 yard line and await the ensuing attacks. Yes my friends Chelsea have signed Jesus.

Jesus Christ himself will don the famous blue jersey in a move that has had some screaming heresy while others have been swept into a religious fervour not seen since the sermon on the mount.

Jehovah and Lucifer were unavailable for comment and at this stage it seems that Jesus is only communicating with the media through a hermetic order who no one know how to get a hold of.

One can only assume that Jesus will play a Messianic centre pitch role that covers the whole pitch with his unmatched genius. A crossing expert from his time amongst the Romans he has been known to lead teams back from the dead and his after match comments are read by billions.

Grant himself has said "A player like this in your team is what any manager prays for and in fact when I heard the news I dropped to my knees and could barely manage a hail Mary before passing out into some sort of delirium."

Perhaps now the Chelsea faithful can finally exorcise the demons of Mourinho's era and get down to business. 

Manchester United are said to be in talks with Lucifer.

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