This week, while doing my article homework and reading the 2009 Sports Illustrated: SEC Preview, I came across a great article by Franz Lidz. The article, titled “The Very Best Of Enemies”, discussed the hatred and passion of SEC football teams toward each other. One feature I particularly enjoyed was excerpts of ‘lightbulb’ jokes for each team.
“How many college students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?”
-At South Carolina it takes 80,000. One to screw in the bulb and 79,999 to discuss how this will finally be the year that they have a decent football team.
-At Vanderbilt it takes two. One to change the bulb and one to explain how they did it every bit as well as any Ivy Leaguer.
-At Alabama it takes five. One to change it, three to reminisce about how Bear Bryant would have done it, and one to throw the old bulb at an NCAA investigator.
-At Auburn it takes 100. One to screw in the bulb, 49 to talk about how they do it better than ‘Bama, and 50 to realize it’s all a lie, get looped and roll Toomer’s Corner.
-At Ole Miss it takes six. One to change the bulb, two to mix the drinks, and three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.
-At Mississippi State it takes 15. One to screw it in, two to buy the Skoal, and 12 to yell, “GO TO HELL, OLE MISS, GO TO HELL!!!”
-At Georgia it takes three. One to screw in the bulb and two to phone a friend at Georgia Tech for instructions.
-At Florida it takes four. One to change it and three to figure out how to get high off the old one.
-At Tennessee it takes 10. Two to figure out how to screw it in, two to buy an orange lampshade, and six to phone a radio call-in show and talk about how much they hate Alabama.
-At Kentucky it takes eight. One to screw it in and seven to discuss how much brighter it shines during basketball season.
-At LSU it takes seven – and each one gets credit for four semester hours.
-At Arkansas it takes none. There is no electricity in Arkansas.
While I probably just offended every reader, I thought the article to be very humorous and provoking of discussion.
Share your favorite jokes regarding your biggest rival team in the comment section on the article SEC ‘Lightbulb’ Jokes and the best will be selected for a featured article on ACC SEC Football. The funniest submissions will get their joke published as they bash their rivals. (Funny is key but please keep them clean.) Check back to see if yours is published.
What are your favorite jokes on your rival team in the ACC or SEC?