Tennis

Top 10 Things for Marat Safin to Do After He Retires (Humor)

LOS ANGELES, CA - JULY 31:  Marat Safin of Russia reacts to losing a point during the match against Tommy Haas of Germany on Day 5 of the LA Tennis Open at the Los Angeles Tennis Center - UCLA on July 31, 2009 in Los Angeles, California.  (Photo by Stephen Dunn/Getty Images)
Robert OrzechowskiAnalyst IAugust 6, 2009

After the U.S. Open, the tennis season will be winding down. That means Marat Safin, who is retiring, will have a whole lot of extra time on his hands. 

Here is a list of possible things for him to do.

1. Judge the annual Miss Russia Mail-Order Bride Contest.

2. Snorkel in the Black Sea, looking for caviar.

3. Non-stop prank call Nikolay Davydenko, pretending to be the Russian mob.

4. Work on his memoirs, entitled "What I could have been."

5. Get a sex change so he can add the "a" to the end of his name, just like his sister.

6. Purchase all the Russian minks in stock and send them to PETA headquarters.

7. Claim the North Pole for Russia against Canada. After failing at that, put up a tennis net right across the pole to show where the Russian-Canadian border is.

8. Ship a whole herd of cows to a very surprised Wimbledon club.

9. Watch the Australia Open at home by filling the Australian cup to the brim with Russian vodka.

10. Take on Nike employment as a racket tester, smashing up to 25 rackets a day.  Proper job title: Nike Product Manager.

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