Pro Wrestling Lessons for Dummies

Svyato Rovenchuk@TorontosClassicSenior Writer IAugust 6, 2009

NEW YORK - APRIL 28:  Actress Sherri Shepherd smacks WWE wrestler Dolph Ziggler during a match at WWE SmackDown at Madison Square Garden on April 28, 2009 in New York City.  (Photo by George Napolitano/Getty Images)

What's up, it's Svyato coming in with a new article. Today, I will teach you some important lessons about Pro Wrestling.

When they say don't try this, they mean it!

Lesson No. 1, when they say don't try this at home, school, etc. They aren't kidding around. I remember when I was younger, I was wrestling with one of my friends and I hit him with a Pedigree.

He was down on the ground for close to 20 minutes. Luckily no teachers saw, that time. I said to myself that I wouldn't do it again!

Two or three weeks later, this one kid was pissing me off so I hit him with an RKO. Dude was down for only ten minutes, but a teacher managed to catch me anyway. I had a long chat with the principle.

When I came out the kid was there saying, "Haha, you got in trouble." And what did I do? I hit him with a Spear of course. Sadly I had bad timing because that's when the principle came out saying to one of his secretaries I believe that I learned my lesson.

Basically, I got detention for a while. Once again I said not to do it again.

They say actions speak louder than words. This is true because I would go on using moves like Choke Slam, Spinebuster, Death Valley Driver, and Walls of Jericho on people. I got to know the principals well.

So what I'm trying to say, is don't try this folks, because one day it might happen that you screw up the move and put the person in the hospital, where you are forced to pay their medical bill.

Don't do Wrestling Entrances At School!

Sounds stupid, doesn't it? Well tell that to these unfortunate souls...

The teacher was calling names (morning check on who's here and who isn't). She called my friends name and he wasn't there. She marked him absent and moved on, but mere seconds later the lights went out.

All of the sudden the Undertaker's music came on and he sneaked into the class. When one of the girls got the lights, he was in his seat. He said, "Sorry, I'm late."

He would be the sorry one, though. The teacher took away his Blackberry (played the Taker music) and gave him detention for a month. Poor guy.

Then there's the guy that did the Batista entrance in class where he does the thing when he bends down. He got embarrassed so bad. 

This one girl came up to him and asked him what he was doing. He told her he was doing Batista's entrance. She replied that she thought he was shooting cum out of his pants. He never did it again.

Then there's the guy who did the Cena entrance into the halls. He was walking around saying, "I'm so gangsta!" He would get trashed for a week.

Basically don't embarrass yourself by doing wrestling entrances in schools, clubs, or anywhere in general besides the wrestling ring.

Wrestling Your Pet Gerbils

One crazy summer day one of my pals brought over his pet gerbil to my house. I would like to inform you this was when we were younger, much younger.

I too had a gerbil. We thought it would be cool to wrestle them. He had a female gerbil while a had a male one.

The problem was I thought his was a guy and he thought mine was a girl. Well, we set them free, and they were doing some stuff we assumed was fighting.

Then my mom came in and asked what we were doing. We answered wrestling our gerbils. She looked puzzled and she asked my friend what sex his gerbil was. He told her female, followed by a quick why. My mom said, "Because I don't think they are fighting."

I took us a few moments to get it, but when we did I told him to take his gerbil out of there immediately. Since that day I have had many pet gerbils, but I haven't had any of them "wrestle" another gerbil again, EVER!

Mistaking People On The Streets For Wrestlers

I bet this has happened to you a few times. You may have seen a guy on the street who you thought was HBK, Jericho, Undertaker, Kane, or anyone else and you were wrong.

Well this is becoming a very serious issue. It has happened to me as well where I see a guy who I think is a WWE superstar, but later I am wrong.

One day I was coming home from the basketball nets across the street(there's a shock) and I saw a guy with long blonde hair and fairly built. I thought it was Edge. I went up to the guy and tapped his shoulder while telling him, "excuse me Edge."

When he turned around it wasn't Edge it was some weird guy with a wig. He asked me what the hell did I want. I told him I thought he was Edge. He told me to get lost.

I said to him well maybe I should kick your ass first (I got slightly pissed at him for using an aggressive approach). He's like get lost or I call the cops. I left.

Unfortunately, this would happen to me again. I was walking home and I saw a woman in car who looked like Trish Stratus.

I ran after the car until the lights where the car finally stopped. I looked at the woman and there was no way that was Trish. Once again I had been a victim of the look alikes.

There's also a story with Christian, but I rather not get into that one.

Basically, what I'm saying is you probably aren't going to see a pro wrestler just like that, but you can keep dreaming if you like.

There's Only one Sexy Boy

This is the most important lesson you must learn. Anybody who doesn't learn it shall pay the consequences.

If you go around proclaiming you're a sexy boy, you're seriously gonna pay. For a few days you will probably see that nothing has happened, so you will keep on doing it.

Then one day you wake up and you get hit by a killer Sweet Chin Music from Shawn Michaels, because Shawn knows there is only one Sexy Boy.

Note: Doesn't apply to girls.

If you follow these five easy rules you shall be alright, but if you don't follow one, just one...your life will be a disaster! So please, to ensure your safety and the safety of others, follow these five easy rules.


    TNA Loses Its TV Deal in the UK

    Pro Wrestling logo
    Pro Wrestling

    TNA Loses Its TV Deal in the UK

    Corey Jacobs
    via Wrestling News

    Twitter Reacts to Top Stars and Moments of Clash of Champions

    Pro Wrestling logo
    Pro Wrestling

    Twitter Reacts to Top Stars and Moments of Clash of Champions

    Erik Beaston
    via Bleacher Report

    Clash of Champions Highlights and Low Points

    Pro Wrestling logo
    Pro Wrestling

    Clash of Champions Highlights and Low Points

    Anthony Mango
    via Bleacher Report

    Biggest Stars of Clash of Champions

    Pro Wrestling logo
    Pro Wrestling

    Biggest Stars of Clash of Champions

    Kevin Wong
    via Bleacher Report