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The Alternative Tour De France, The One Race Lance Armstrong Has Never Won...

Senior Writer Written on August 02, 2009

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Lance Armstrong has had a remarkable career. He has won the toughest race in the world, the Tour De France, seven times. He even came out of retirement as a 38 year old and despite losing out, he still managed to finish on the podium.

Throughout his career he has been dogged by drug allegations, and the one race he has never managed to win is most probably the one race that taking drugs is mandatory!

Roll on, the alternative Tour De France. So alternative, that it takes place in San Francisco every year.

Lance has never won...

The Peloton

As you can see, the riders have just had a brisk warm up and are making their way to the start for the first stage.

Team Support Vehicle

Every team in modern cycling uses a support vehicle. They carry all the spare parts you would think your average cyclist could use.

Tires, wheels, chains...paint

The Girl Who Lance Can't Beat

The current champion, The Green Swirly Girly, is a breathtaking cyclist. Every time that Lance comes near her, she just finds another gear and moves away...

Different Shapes and Sizes

Just in case you thought there were only going to be pictures of women...modern cycling has always been a level playing field.

We let everyone in

Not only do we let men and women enter, but we let fairies, queens, and thing one and thing two enter too.

We even let people in who think they're cows!

One of the Green Swirly Girly's arch enemies, the lesser spotted Friesian.

Cows, Cats, People....

As ever, coming up from behind and using your opponents slipstream is a distinct advantage...

Sometimes Riders Just Don't Take It Serious Enough....

As with any major event, some riders take the piss and act like clowns...

Old Skool Riders........

You have to pay your respects to any rider who would feel confident enough to ride a chopper in this race....

Taking it Easy...

Sometimes less paint is more...

Burning Support Vehicle....

Not a vehicle to come up from behind on. The flames mean that they burn curries....

The Pink Peril

Never a competitor to take lightly....

The Other Green Swirly Girly....

Fantastic racing family, the Swirly family have a deep tradition in this event, just don't come between them and the finish line.

Yup, Now You've Seen it All

You've got to admire a racer taking that extra precaution of painting a flower on their belly so they can compete....

Begin Slideshow

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