Rumors & Realities Humor: No, No, It's Beyond "Arsene Knows Best"

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Rumors & Realities Humor: No, No, It's Beyond
(Photo by Ian Walton/Getty Images)

Arsenal have not made a signing that has caught the eyes of football spectators. However, they have left a mark in the football transfer market this season by selling top players in what R-R classifies as an "unclear clear-out".

Other than the fact that Arsene Wenger has actually sold two of his top players in Emmanuel Adebayor and Kolo Toure to soon-to-be fierce rivals Manchester City, R-R has another phenomenon catching its open eyes-and mouth for that matter.

That phenomenon is Arsenal fans' justification of whatever Wenger does. To say it right, without angering any Arsenal fans, we have been getting a daily dosage of entertainment when reading some of the articles of some writers who always analyze in a positive manner.

It's beyond "Arsene knows Best", it's more of an "Arsene is God" or even "We Are Not in Denial, We Are Arsenal Fans".

The way Arsenal fans have been finding excuses for selling their best players has been extremely humorous, and even creative, for that matter.

R-R has read many comments and articles of the "Know-it-all" fans, who happen to know the shoe size of every Gunner, and R-R has been amazed.

"Why did we sell Adebayor? I'll tell you why... Ah... He's not faithful, that's right. He's no good anyway. No we don't need him. We've got Bendtner!"

R-R has never seen Bendtner do something, anything meaningful that implies that he has any talent of any kind on a green football pitch. Never.

"Why did we sell Toure? He's getting old you know (oh yes, we forgot about Arsenal's under-18 policy). How can we count on him? He's gotten Malaria, you simply can't blame us for selling him. 16 million is good, we'll get a better one." 

That's exactly what was said when Arsenal sold Patrick Vieira and when they let Thierry Henry go. "We'll find a replacement". R-R is not sure they did (smirk).

But the best of what R-R had to read on the web was this one (approximation of what was read. R-R loves to add some spice. Yes, we used to be chefs).

"I'm sure Arsene Wenger knows what he's doing. You think he'll let Toure leave without having a plan. He will do it right, as always. Wenger is the best in the world, and you know that. Wenger will bring in another Toure who will be even better than this one!"

Is this a call for Arsenal to sign Yaya Toure?

And with Joleon Lescott's possible move to Manchester City, Everton will turn their sights to signing a decent defender.

Who's selling?

Oh yes, that's Arsenal. R-R suspects Arsene Wenger has opened himself a summer garage sale to sell all his players and get himself a squad made up of French teenagers.

That's his "veghsion of Heavan".

Philippe Senderos is wanted by Everton. Psst, Wenger!

Wenger, "What is it that you want fghom me?"

R-R, "They're gonna get Senderos from you too!"

Wenger, "Yes. So, I don't caghe. I don't I tell you. They're will be an adequate replacement. I will get Willy. Knock-knock."

R-R, "Who's theghe? I mean there!"

Wenger, "Wengegh!"

R-R, "I really don't get it, Wenger who?"

Wenger, "Wengegh with a special someone."

R-R, "Special someone who?"

Wenger, "I am Willy"

R-R, "Willy who?"

Wenger, "Willy, the 5 month-old French staghlet, soon-to-sign fogh Aghsenal! Oh oui, oui, Willy cannot only play with a soft ball, he has also beaten Sponge Bob in a one-in-one contest and continues to pghactise how to get up from sleep in his baby-bed. Yes, he's a bghilliant football pghospect"

R-R, "Wow Wenger... That's... Wow"

Wenger, "Hoo hoo hoo... Yes. I know. Hoo hoo hoo".

While Arsenal fans believe Wenger knows best, some R-R fans have been rioting and sounding-out their love for this series. Rumors & Realities will be back with... Well, rumors and realities in the next edition to show that it can be said that...

"R-R Knows Best"


PS: This article is fictional and written for humor purposes. The writer respects all point of views and has deep respect for Arsene Wenger and Arsenal fans. Although I may not really have their love at this moment. Please don't boycott my articles.

Dedicated to my friend Abhimanyu Vinay Rajput on B/R. 

Special dedication to my dear friends and Arsenal fans Maire Ofeire, Callum D'Souza, and Shyam Parthasarathi. Laughter is the best medicine guys.

Thank you,

Zahi Sahli 


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