Take Note, Cruel World: Michael Phelps is Back

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Take Note, Cruel World: Michael Phelps is Back
(Photo by Clive Rose/Getty Images)

Well, Milorad Cavic, you said you were going to get your revenge against your nemesis Michael Phelps.

Guess what, buddy? You're gonna have to write your mea culpa wikiwiki to the American Superfish.

That's right, my friend, you are going to have to recant. He beat you again. I say it once more: he beat you at the 100-meter butterfly AGAIN.

Two for two, Cavic. Count it. Index and middle. Two for two.

And no, don't try to be cute and flash it palm outward towards this Bleacher Report analyst. I'm just gonna have to laugh.

The truth hurts, but it is what it is.

Polyurethane what? Arena who? Milorad, be honest with yourself: if you can't beat him, just accept the offer to race him with what he wears or simply give up.

The choice is yours.

You know what—and this time I am speaking to all you fan people of Cavic, you Phelps-haters, you—I am actually chuffed that FINA has decided: "Away with these haughty bodysuits. If they can't use steroids, they will use this as an alternative. To Davy Jones with them!"

And the reality is this: Michael Phelps is BACK.

With a vengeance. No, this ain't yours truly speaking some cliche just to rub it in. It's the honest truth that must sink in.

Michael Phelps—the same guy that stole the show at Beijing and ended up blushing like a red-hot tomato when a photo of his bong-smoking side flared out—has returned back to form.

He will be a force to be reckoned with at the fall meets. And you'd better watch out, cause he's gonna be gunning to make it three in a row.

And we learned something at Rome this summer: never mess with a tried and true outfitter in Speedo. They are the epitome of swimming. Mr. Phelps bears witness to this self-evident truth.

As for you, Mr. Cavic, be sure to enjoy that humble pie with crow and feathers, because that will make for good fuel when you hit the pool for practice when this meet is history.

I say it once more: Michael Phelps is back.

Have you heard? Spread the word, Serbs.

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