Black Friday in Cincinnati Reds' Country

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Black Friday in Cincinnati Reds' Country
(Photo by Christopher Furlong/Getty Images)

When I heard we had traded Edwin Encarnacion, Jerry Hairston, Josh Roenicke, and Zach Stewart, I thought of Walt Jocketty and Iron Mike. Then I thought of Tyson saying he "want[ed] to eat [Lennox Lewis'] children."

I now have the same feeling. 

Mine is not directed toward the children of Lewis but rather to the kids of Jocketty, the General Manager of the Reds

I never understood the rage one bellied to say such a despicable thing. I now know.

Yay. We got Scott Rolen. Jocketty traded two of next year's key pitchers and Encarnacion for his friend (cough, cough: man crush).

I didn't hide my feelings about this three weeks ago in this article. Back then, I was just talking an Edwin-for-Rolen straight-up deal.

In a nutshell, it said that their numbers were strikingly similar, with Rolen having the advantage defensively and Edwin having more power.

I wouldn't have done the deal straight-up, but read that article if you want to see my reasoning.  

This article is going to whine like a 12-year-old girls FriendFace journal. Please just leave right now...all of you.

I hate Walt Jocketty! I know hate is a strong word. I don't use hate regarding people. Ever. Jocketty is not a human. 

It is a wretched, vile, cretinous, worm-like being probably sent from outer space to ruin what could have been a contending team...for years to come.

Dusty currently has 10 guys on the DL. I've been harsh on Dusty in the past, but his managing compared to Jocketty's general managing is first-ballot, Hall-of-Fame material when held side by side.

Let's look at some of the things Jocketty said while in the booth with George Grande and Chris Welsh during Friday night's game

Okay, Walt told the Reds' announcers a few things. I tried to write down the exact quotes but may have been off by a word or two—so let's call these paraphrases but pretty bloody close to the horse's mouth.

Scott Rolen is "as good as Brooks Robinson."

Scott Rolen is "a franchise-type player who will anchor the infield with Brandon Phillips and Joey Votto for a long time."

Scott Rolen is "a player who wants to play here."

As good as Brooks Robinson? I'll just raise my eyebrows, shake my head and let you guys do the same. Might want to hurry and get a trash can or something, so you don't vomit on the carpet.

Walt thinks Rolen will anchor the infield for a long time? In the five seasons between 2004 and 2008, he only had one with more than 500 at-bats. 

Hard to anchor an infield when you are too injured to play.

A player who wants to play here? Shouldn't any player who is going to a new team want to "play here"? Man, this article is hard to write without using expletives in every other sentence.

Oh yeah, and the Reds lost on Friday night. Our 39-year-old reliever, David Weathers, gave up back-to-back jacks to the Colorado seven and eight-hole hitters. 

Wonder if Roenicke would have done that? 

Wonder how Zach Stewart would have fared next year considering the Dayton Daily News has reported this:

"Pitcher Edinson Volquez, scheduled for a simulated game today [July 31], didn’t complete it. He walked off the mound clutching his elbow. The Reds aren’t saying it—yet—but don’t be surprised if he has to undergo Tommy John surgery and will miss next year."

Guess we'll never know. Thanks, Walt.

Oh, but all is fine, the Reds now have Kip Wells in the bullpen. Yeah, that Kip Wells—the one who was cut by the Nationals because he was too inept to hold a spot in their pen.

So what do you do if you just traded for an injury-prone third baseman while you already have an injury-prone shortstop?

If your name is Walt Jocketty, you trade uber-utility man, Jerry Hairston Jr. to the Yanks for a single-A catcher.

This quote I know I got word for word: "We project him to be a starting catcher...possibly, someday."

Perhaps the greatest quote of the night came from Chris Welsh. This is golden. 

Somehow in regards to bringing Rolen over, Welsh said, "[Rolen will] show Joey Votto and Brandon Phillips how to play the game."

Sorry guys and gals, I need to go steal some more of my granny's anti-anxiety medication.

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