Racial Profiling In Tennis (Humor)
Racial profiling is controversial. It gets people up in arms. Some people are for it and some are equally against it. Those for it have argued that it has led to an significant increase of crimes being solved. Those against it, have argued that it supports existing stereotypes and reinforces age-old discrimination.
Does the FBI, Interpol or any other large police structure have any profiling on the top eight in tennis. Probably not.
So I decided to racially profile the top eight and put these photos and captions in Post Offices across the country. Interestingly enough, the only thing it did was make people inquire as to where they could buy tickets to see the greats play.
So, if any of the top eight are reading this, watch out. You've been profiled!!!
Roger Federer is 27 years old (at the time of this writing). He is right-handed. He is 6'1 and 187lbs. Turned pro in 1998. He currently has no coach.
With a racket he is considered armed and dangerous. Avoid playing against him at all costs.
He is White.
Roger has inspired young boys to take up tennis, master all the shots, invent new amazing ones and to fire their coaches if not give them the finger(s).
Rafa is 23 years old. He is 6 ft 1 and weighs 188lbs. He is left-handed. He turned pro in 2001. His coach is his Uncle Toni.
He is considered aggressive, tenacious and extremely dangerous. Has gone into hiding lately and is rumored to be appearing in Montreal, Canada.
He is white. He rarely smiles during any of his matches preferring to put on the most dour face imaginable. With the unfortunate separation of his parents, this particular trait of his will not get any better anytime soon. He is the classic case of "shoot first and ask for translations later".
Andy Murray is 22. He is 6'3 and weighs 185lbs. He hits right handed. He turned pro in 2005. His coach is Miles MacLagen.
Though the subject is of a small build, he can puff himself up and roar like the incredible Hulk.
Although he cannot turn his skin green he is remarkably whiter than white. Has been seen painting London Town red with Camilla Parker Bowles. He was filmed having an almost violent confrontation with Prince Charles when the show "Cheaters" went to England.
Novak is 22 years old. He is 6'2 and weighs 176lbs. He hits right handed and turned pro in 2003. His coach is Marian Vajda.
Nicknamed "Blue Suede Shoes", the subject had been known for his impersonating skills until one of his victims caught up with him. Also has an intense concentration to break Guiness world record for longest continuous tennis ball bouncing.
Novak is a white tennis player. Although with his fall from number three to number four in the rankings, you could call him an off white player.
Andy is 26 years old. He is 6'2 and weighs 192lbs. He turned pro in 2000. He hits right-handed. His coach is Larry Stefanki. Has been known to wear his cap backwards. He is fed up of losing to Roger Federer.
He is Nebraskan caucasian. He will not play tennis in any snowy environment. He joined to play tennis to get out of the Nebraskan climate. Only goes back for Christmas and funerals.
Juan Martin Del Potro
Juan Martin Del Potro is 6'6 and weighs 182lbs. He hits right-handed and turned pro in 2005. His coach is Franco Davin.
Del Potro is from Argentina and continuously asks that you do not cry for him. He wants to challenge Andy Murray to settle the Faukland Islands incident once and for all.
Del Potro is white and is trying to bring back the "Chachi" look to tennis. Anyone remember "Joannie Love Chachi"?
Due to the extreme sensitivities of 21st century political correctness, we cannot do a profile for this subject at this time.
Gilles Simon is 24 years old. He stands 5'11 and weighs 152lbs. He hits right handed and turned pro in 2002. His coach is Thierry Tulasne.
Simon's race is French. He has perfectly coiffed hair before, during and after all his matches. Rumors are circulating that if he spent as much time on tennis as on his hair, he would have at least 3 Grand slams by now.