Along with smaller equipment and bigger goals, here are some brilliant ways the NHL can continue to meddle with the game to improve scoring and ultimately send millions of non-hockey fans stampeding to the games like crazed lemmings.
So disband the committees, Gary! You need only implement ONE of these keen solutions today:
- Force the goalies to cover one eye with a patch.
- Limit the position to women only.
- Take away the net-minders' skates—replace with skis!
- Have the goalies start each faceoff from behind their opponent’s net.
- Make Andre Racicot goalie coach for the entire league.
- Make the pucks really small…and white.
- Have one center on each team wear an orange helmet that indicates he can't be checked…or even insulted by the other team. (This will cut down on fights...which we also know part-time fans "hate"—They often show this hate by cheering wildly)
- Remove the moorings, and let the net just slide around the ice during play.
- Tie the goaltender's blocker to the cross-bar with a short bungee cord.
- Allow scoring through the back side of the net.
- Two Words: "Shooter Tutor" ...(This will save on salaries).
This will certainly save the game because we all know that "low scoring" is the one of the most important reasons why the majority of people prefer the other three sports...
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4 months ago
Nicely done, Elbow. Adding archery to the NHL doubtless is on the horizon. A goalie can't be expected to stop hard rubber when he's worried about dodging flying arrows.
You're doing some nice work on Bleacher Report (love the bio). If a piece isn't strictly humor, make a case for yourself for broader distribution on the site. I suspect not too many people automatically click on the "Humor" page and your writing deserves a broader audience.
from 4 months ago
Brian, thanks for the kind compliments. Also, the Archery element to the game might bring in more fans... Good idea!
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