Retirement is for quitters.

Thank you for blue-balling the sports world Brett Favre. Well, that was certainly worth it. You selfish a-hole.

Today Brett Favre officially postponed his latest retirement, and not a moment to soon.

Let’s peer inside the mad genius that was BF’s decision tree: Will I play, won’t I play; I want to play, I retire. Get paid to throw interceptions in the NFL, get paid to throw footballs thru tires while I’m wearing jeans in TV commercials. My daughter, my sister.

The guy is a like a fine box of wine. He just keeps getting better with age. Or is it bitter?

Either way, Brett is out, and cue the media frenzy (ESPN, this should be good at least thru November, as QB’s start dropping like flies and you send Ed Werder and that sweet stache down to LA to ask Brett if he’d consider pulling a fat Elvis and coming back again).

And while Eddie Shore likes anyone that can ‘call it a career’ at 39, Eddie Shore is pissed. Cuz Eddie Shore thinks Brett made the wrong decisions. And here are 5 reasons why.

Interception Machine

Any QB can throw interceptions. But it takes a ‘real hero’ to throw them with the efficiency, ease, zip, and carelessness that has become a 4 trademark. 1st down, early in the game? Triple coverage? Up 4 with under 2 left where possession is key and a punt will win it? None of these scenarios matter to the ultimate gunslinger. As a fan of watching bad decisions, I love that. Who we gonna teach that too now? No young QB will ever get the leash Farve would get, so this most likely is the end of an era.

Rachel Nichols

The poor man’s Erin Andrews is growing on me. Without Brett’s minute by minute update on whether he’ll play, where he practiced, what he had for lunch, and which Jonas brother he thinks will be a virgin the longest (too close to call with MJ’s passing), how am I gonna get my Nichols fix? Oh well, time to tape Wipeout, and watch Jill Wagner.*

*my editor is on vacation so this may be off topic.

Joy of the Game

Brett made a ton of money, screwed with multiple franchises, didn’t nurture Aaron Rodgers, and now has unintentionally divided the Minny lockerroom. BUT, according to every analyst who ever lived---played for the pure joy of the game. Every other athlete in history is a selfish money whore, who hates fans, and despises charity. But Brett, according to the media, played solely for the joy of playing (as if he was still on a playground). I’m gonna miss that. I hope I don’t get cynical without this football jesus to keep me grounded.

UFL Hype

As much as Eddie Shore hated the 24/7 coverage of Brett maybe coming back, now that he’s decided (for the next 2 weeks) ‘not’ to join the Vikings, now we have to start listening to Brett/UFL rumors. At least with the NFL, it was something I cared about. Now it’s a player ‘and’ league that mean zero to me. Can college football start already so I have something to read. Oh look, Lane Kiffin did something stupid. Please hold.

Tom Brady

With Favre gone, the marquee QB in the league is now Tom Brady. Rich, titles, married to a supermodel. No one needs to be reminded how cool it is to be an NFL QB. For those of us chained to a desk, Brett Favre reminded us that while he was rich, famous, and a winner, he was also a complete tool when it came time to making decisions. That made all of us feel a little better on the inside. Now that he’s gone, there’s Tom Brady. Can this guy win the lottery already and have the perfect life? Damnit, Brett.

Did I forget any? Ping me at [e-mail]. Rick Reilly heckles encouraged.