Houston Astros

Houston Astros To Call Up Prospect Norris, Evoking Roundhouse Kicks

KISSIMMEE, FL - FEBRUARY 21:  Pitcher Bud Norris of the Houston Astros poses during photo day at Astros spring training complex on February 21, 2009 in Kissimmee, Florida.  (Photo by Marc Serota/Getty Images  (Photo by Marc Serota/Getty Images)
Richard ZowieCorrespondent IJuly 29, 2009

With the injury of pitcher Roy Oswalt, it looks as though the Houston Astros will call up their top pitching prospect Bud Norris.

I get this strange feeling that Bud's nickname is Chuck.

Or perhaps Walker, Texas Ranger.

Norris (who may or may not be related to Chuck Norris) is 4-9 with a 2.63 ERA in 19 starts at Triple-A Round Rock (a town north of Austin).

Bud was rated as having the best fastball among minor leaguers by Baseball America.

And with a last name like Norris, I can only imagine what they'll be saying about him in Houston.

Whenever Albert Pujols goes to bed at night, he always checks under his bed for Bud Norris.

Even when Bud Norris throws a wild pitch, umpires are so terrified they call it a strike.

Nobody ever dares to charge the mound when Bud Norris is pitching. Why? Two words: roundhouse kick.

Bud Norris' fastball is so fast that it makes the batter feel as though they've been kicked in the face. Not surprisingly, it's called a roundhouse fastball.

Bud Norris' tears could mend the rift between Russ Ortiz and Cecil Cooper. Norris hasn't cried lately, which is why the two don't get along.

Bud Norris doesn't need to use steroids or human growth hormone. In fact, he likes to call them performance DE-enhancing drugs.

Bud Norris occasionally lets other teams win and score runs off of him, simply because there's nothing more he hates than seeing grown men cry.

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