God Says, "You're Welcome" To Athletes (Satire)

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God Says,
(Photo by: Jamie Squire/Getty Images)

Due to the recent surge in "thank you"s, in a press release by angel Gabriel from heaven, God has said, "You're welcome" to athletes.

Josh Willingham was the most recent of athletes to thank God having thanked he/she/it for his two grand slams in last night's game on ESPN. 

Kurt Warner, Colt McCoy, Josh Hamilton, and Tim Tebow have been the biggest thankers of God in recent memory, so God wanted to sort everything out in a big "You're welcome."

The media has run into a bit of controversy of late with Satanic players, who we cannot mention, for not interviewing them after games due to the fact they may thank Satan.

God decided to smooth everything out, while shocking the population, by explaining he/she/it does not even like sports.  God is in fact, a checkers and tetris nut.  

"I just want people to know, I have far more important things to deal with than sports," God stated.  "I appreciate the thank yous and points to the sky, but, it is not me helping you."  

God later would add he doesn't even know how guys like Ryan Theriot, Reed Johnson, Carlos Gomez, Nick Punto, Dustin Pedroia, Chris Anderson, Bobby Jenks, or Maurice Jones-Drew even became athletes stating, "I sure as hell didn't build them for that."

God then requested Cub fans stop wasting their prayers and/or blaming him/her/it.  God told them to talk to the Devil for a deal.  

The Devil refused to comment.

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