Chiefs fans have had fun with their inordinate amount of draft picks. Patriots fans feel OK with their additions and subtractions. Even the Raiders look like they are a better team, and that is saying something.
Other people, teams, and fans haven't had such a great offseason. Here are a few ways you know that your NFL offseason is sucking:
- Rex Grossman is still your starting quarterback.
- You're a Bengals fan, but not a bondsman.
- You had Pacman Jones in the "NFL Player to get arrested at Lake Travis" pool.
- Mel Kiper Jr. says you are having a great offseason.
- You are the Senior Senator from the great state of Pennsylvania.
- DeSean Jackson is your new go-to receiver.
- You're a mustard salesman, and you were hoping to get a boost from the NFL Draft. (Lame "Mayo" Joke)
- J! E! T! S!
- Two words: Tomase, John.
- You know Adarius Bowman, but you're not his dealer.
- You're Adarius Bowman.
- Matt Leinart didn't help you with any of your kegstands.
- (Afraid to insert Marvin Harrison joke)
- Your team president didn't even draft a WR. (Lions Fans only)
- Mario Manningham beat you in truth or dare.
16. You're already looking at this.
Comments (17) Add a comment »
from 4 days ago
As an Eagles fan, I love/am saddened by #6. Nice job!
from 4 days ago
Thanks Patrick, Desean may prove me wrong, or he might get broke in half.
from 4 days ago
Thats a great list, nice work. Props on the Adarius Bowman and Marvin Harrison references.
from 4 days ago
Totally agree with #1, hilarious article, wish I had thought of it. POTD for sure.
from 4 days ago
"You had Pacman Jones in the "NFL Player to get arrested at Lake Travis" pool."
Lost like 100 dollars on that one. Its like the NCAA bracket pool, where the homer who doesnt know anything always wins.
from 4 days ago
"you have too much to work with, with the 49ers, to say anything positive, so you hate the raiders for no reason" Dedicated to Mike49er
from 4 days ago
C'mon Raider card... that is about as close as I'm ever going to get to a raider compliment.
from 4 days ago
hard to help it, nothing against the article. Just get tired of the haters, who like to flame the Raider articles, but never post anything on their team. Irritating.
from 4 days ago
Good stuff... and I like the Chiefs love
from 4 days ago
#1 is proof positive that there is no God...enough said!
from 3 days ago
"DeSean Jackson is your new go-to receiver."
Interesting, in that the weakest of the weak, in a desperate attempt to undermine the Niners draft, were reduced to stating "You had DeSean there, and didn't take him"
Because, yeah, everyone wants a tiny WR *rolling eyes*
HOW YOU KNOW YOUR OFFSEASON IS SUCKING
You left out:
"When your fans are celebrating because your HC decided to turn down a request from the owner to resign with no pay, and instead stayed on as a lameduck HC to spite The Silver & Bleak Dinosaur, while laughing all the way to the bank."
"Yehhhh..we got us a left tackle. He's arguably the worst tackle in the league against a passrush, and IS protecting our new flippity flop qb's blind side..but we think Kwame is a cool name, so WE'RE IN"
RaiderCard: ""you have too much to work with, with the 49ers, to say anything positive, so you hate the raiders for no reason" Dedicated to Mike49er"
LMAO..now, how precious are you, pumpkin?
Hey, you got schooled on your weak threads. Whining about it elsewhere just shows you're all but toast.
Of course, you could actually go back and defend your words.
On that note, it also might snow today in the Bay Area.
Neither are likely to happen anytime soon, lol.
from about 20 hours ago
Mike49er-
When you decide to fire the guy right below you without first consulting your boss, you might have a difficult post-incident conversation with the boss. Especially when you leaked it to the press first. Doing things like that might get you spanked on the ass. Dr. York might even emerge from his wine cellar to tell somebody to tell their assistant to write a no-no email about that.
If Al wanted Kiffin to fire Kiffin, he would have, despite the $$$. The salary cap is $116 million. He only had to pay Kiffin +/-$1.2 of the $4 million left on his contract to fire him. Why don't you put down the women of the SFFD calendar, wipe the astroglide off your hands, and go figure that one out.
from 2 days ago
Mike49er...don't even comment on the Raiders HC, look at your own. Terrible drafting by your team the past several years and you continue to go backwards. I see an upside with the Raiders, and I know that isn't saying much, but on paper, the Raiders have much more talent that the Whiners. I liked the article very whitty and some truth!!!
from 1 day ago
Uh...what?
Last year we drafted two players in the first round.
Patrick Willis was defensive Rookie of the Year.
Joe Staley did so good at RT, this year he's moving to the blindside, LT.
Previous couple of years we also drafted Frank Gore, who in his rookie season two years ago led the NFC in RUSHING for the year, not to mention Vernon Davis and Manny Lawson.
You call that terrible drafting?
I call that excellent drafting.
On paper?? geez...for fun, why don't YOU list, on paper, their superior team??
New unproven, no experience qb who stunk while briefly in last year.
His backup truly stinks, and was demoted to #4 qb..NOW he's #1 backup.
Their O line is so bad off their horrible tackle, Gallery, had to be switched to guard, and Raiders were so desperate for someone/anyone to play tackle, Al Davis rushed to throw big bucks at the Niners "on the bench" tackle, Kwame Harris, who we released, and NO ONE wanted because he's so bad at defending the pass rush.
One of the Raiders biggest weaknesses, leading to their 31st ranking rushing defense, is their defensive line. THEY GOT NO ONE for the D line..instead their first two drafts were positions they were already strong and deep at, RB and Corner.
So, by all means, love to hear how, on paper, they rock.
from about 20 hours ago
Last time I check the 49er's drafted Alex Smith and gave him $51 million strapping the team to the cellar of the NFC Worst through the next CBA (don't kid yourself, Dr. Johnie won't get the check book out for 2010).
I guess it is a good thing the 49er's used a top 10 pick on a right tackle. I don't know of any other teams who take a RT in that high in the first round. I suppose he did a good job with the hellacious opposing defenses inthe NFC Worst.
That sort of cancels out any other positives any positives you can draw about Patrick Willis.
Given an opportunity, the 49ers would trade tight end production per dollar (Miller vs. Davis) in a NY second. I guess speed is a good thing, even though he has worse hands than Rickey Dudley.
from 2 days ago
Fantastic job.
What about "You barely missed out on Patriots' opening day tickets and only ended up with a Mel Kiper Jr. photo instead" ?
from 2 days ago
Ouch.
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