On the road to the Super Bowl...a trip through NFL nicknames

Everyone loves a good nickname.

Anytime somebody calls you by your nickname you know the person vying for your attention is a good and personal friend.

That philosophy goes for football fans too…don’t you think? Your favorite team, your all time favorite defense or your favorite player…they probably have nicknames too.

Some people have a made a living on the art of giving nicknames to players. Some are attention grabbing and some are completely ridiculous…but it makes things more interesting when you can root for a guy who’s nickname you know.

It’s like you’re watching your old school buddy from grade school whoop ass on the gridiron. It’s makes it personal!

Not every player needs a nickname and certainly every player does not deserve one. But over the years there has been so many stellar nicknames used to describe players, coaches, dominant defenses, flamboyant receivers, dominant O-lines, stud ball carriers and great quarterbacks.

String them all along together and get a very bizarre tale.

On the road to the Super Bowl …I stopped off at the New York Sack Exchange...

When I was surprisingly accompanied by a bunch of Purple People Eaters...

Sure, I was concerned that I might be devoured or abducted, but I never leave home without the Fearsome Foursome by my side for protection.

As expected we had a very difficult time making our way through, around or over the Steel Curtain...

So we stopped off for an Orange Crush...

...and some Tuna to refresh and reevaluate our game plan.

Now, I don’t ride motorcycles but I had to marvel at the biggest, baddest, burgundy and gold hogs...

...that pulled up along side of us to fill up on Diesel as we took a time out.

And just when I thought a little refreshment from "The Refrigerator" would do the trick...

It started to Thunder and Lighting!

The sky grew dark as all cut back lanes where now closed and it was only a matter of time before the Monsters of the Midway would be creeping in looking for victims trying to pass.

I wanted to clear the path and run behind Moose, but I starting feeling a bit uneasy.

We huddled to see what our next play would be on our journey to the big game; however, something was definitely wrong.

I’ve heard about this before…I was having a Nigerian Nightmare!

And it was only a matter of time before...Gang Green set in!

Suddenly the sun broke free of the clouds and I pushed forward. I was gaining momentum pounding my way on the ground until a swarm of killer bees found me streaking down the sidelines.

The swarm came hard flying sideline to sideline knocking me back a few yards before I fell in a cloud of dust.

As I lay in the dirt…searching for my breath I began to see visions from the poisonous bee sting.

On my right The SNAKE appeared… showing me some elusive and successful moves to add to the game plan... as he hissed in the mid day sun.

And on my left was the Grave Digger...sizing me up for an early exit on my way to the big game.

Bumbling and stumbling I made my way across the field.

I was starting to get tired and cramp up …when I saw three amigos sitting on a fence by the side of the road.

They looked like a Fun Bunch and I thought they would know what to do.

They quickly suggested we go deep and often...as they kindly propped me up roadside...when a vision appeared before my eyes.

It was him…the Minister of Defense!

He pointed over to THE BUS which appeared from out of nowhere which seemed to be waiting for me.

He leaned in and handed me four quarters and said, "In case you need to make a call."

And as he left I heard his voice boom..."God Bless" and he faded out in the afternoon sun.

I now held Weapon X in my hand and felt a new resurgence of confidence...

We were going to the Big Game and neither… Earth, Wind, or Fire was going to get in our way of Victory!

Peering out from my seat I could see that The Big Blue Wrecking Crew had shut down any sense of forward progress and crushed all would be travelers.

I reached down into my pocket and pulled out a Crunch Bunch Bar for some last minute energy.

This was going to be our last stand to get to The Big Game.

I stood up next to the driver and said…I need a guarantee you can get me to Broadway, Joe…I can’t miss the big game!

I had been a complete Ironhead during the strategic planning for the road to the Super Bowl.

I didn’t need a half time adjustment, I needed good transportation.

He looked up at me, smiled and said…"No problem…that’s why they call me the playmaker, " and he put the pedal to the medal.

That evening we pulled up to the railroad station and I bolted to catch the Night Train.

I ran as fast as my white shoes would carry me.

I was going to the Super Bowl and not even The Freak selling foam fingers on the platform...

...was gonna keep me down in the Black Hole!

As we trekked on through the night...I closed my eyes to dream of the greatest show on turf.

The next morning I woke to the smell of grilling cheese burgers and largest tailgate I had ever seen in my life.

There was a sea of people playing games and buying merchandise as far as the eye could see.

I must have died and gonna to prime time football heaven.

Caught up in the moment and not watching where I was going, I accidentally bumped directly into the team’s Deacon. He was a big man and knocked me right onto my souvenir seat cushion.

I’m sorry…I blurted out.

He smiled and said…God bless you my son, but before he disappeared inside the bowels of the stadium he yelled back.

Young Eli?

And I snapped my head around to hear the good deacon speak.

Enjoy the game…especially enjoy the company you keep today for Joe Cool is awaiting your arrival...

However, your seats are obstructed behind a man Too Tall…so in absence of a good seat with a good view…ask Joe how this game is played and learn from him.

For someday you too will be part of the catch…a catch in 42.

And as I strolled into the stadium I could hear my brother yelling to me like animals from the Dawg Pound.

"Hurry up! they screamed, you'll never guess who's sitting next to us! He's the best quarterback ever....and i don't mean dad."

But I couldn’t help standing still...taking in the sounds and the sights of the Super Bowl and the memories that were about to be made and most of all...

I will never forget the sweetness of the freshly cut grass.