Pittsburgh Steeler Cheerleaders? How Dreamy! Parental Discretion Advised

Timothy KesslerAnalyst IJuly 24, 2009

LOS ANGELES, CA - JUNE 17:  The Laker Girls perform during the Los Angeles Lakers 2009 NBA Championship Victory Parade and Rally at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum on June 17, 2009 in Los Angeles, California.  (Photo by Jeff Gross/Getty Images)

I woke up with sweat pouring down my forehead as if I had run a marathon. While I tried to regain a normal breathing pattern, my heart was pounding. Thumping, thumping, thumping, very erratic. 
As I glanced around my room, I noticed it was still dark outside. I realized that I still had time to return to my dream, which was very arousing. It was about a cheerleader.
A Pittsburgh Steelers cheerleader to be more specific. 
Everybody knows there is no such thing, so I was more than curious to try and pick up where I had left off.
As I closed my eyes, my heartbeat slowed and was like a lullaby inside my head. Suddenly, I was in the middle of Heinz Field relaxing in a hot sauna. The water was bubbling like the boiling water in a teapot. Cloudy white steam hovered over the field like a dense fog, but it slowly dissipated while I heard the cracking open of a door.

Don’t ask. Now i'm in an unknown room. You know how dreams can be.
As the steam flowed out, my destiny flowed in. There she stood. She looked as proud as the Statue of Liberty, holding the Lombardi Trophy and showing off all of its glory. 
The extreme curve of a perfectly executed slant pass was no match for the natural curves of her body. Her legs seemed as long as the field goal posts. They were like roots that nourished her two bouncing pompoms so very well.
As she walked towards me, she swayed back and forth, like a delicate flower would if it was caught in a strong wind. She ran her fingers down my face and over my body like a masseuse. She gently pushed herself up against me. I could feel her features, and I am sure she felt mine. In fact, she told me that I should be given the title of Big Ben.

Saaweet!, but NOT a good visual.
Her skin felt like velvet clouds. She perched herself on me as if she was mounting her...her Harley Davidson???...with Big Ben and neither wearing helmets!

Oh no...wake up, rewind, go back, focus!  

Before I knew it, it was back to the good stuff. Don't you just love dreams?   

As the situation got deeper and deeper, I could smell the perspiration that lingered in the air due to our intense workout...well, more like exhaust from a tailpipe, but I wasn’t trying to go there again. 

She was like a skilled punt returner, taking it all the way upfield. Her versatility was second to none, as she convinced me of her tight end abilities as well. 

With under a minute left in the game, she screamed and moaned as if in pain. Her body trembled, as did Mt. St. Helen's seconds before it erupted.  Then “BANG,” the explosion occurred! All the pressure was released and nature's juices flowed out covering everything in its path.

Of course I’m talking about the volcano’s lava. What did you think? 
As if it was a sign from above, daylight burst through my window like an alarm clock. As quickly as it had started, it was all over. Night had turned to day.

This reinforced the theory that all good things must come to an end, and the fact that I definitely need to buy some black window blinds.

I was more than ready for the season to start even before this dream. I couldn’t imagine how horrible the wait would be if the Steelers were to acquire a cheerleading squad. Even more to look forward to every Sunday and who knows, if your as fortunate as me, maybe even Sunday night.

I think they deserve it and should really consider giving themselves a pre game pep squad. I, for one, would be 100% behind the idea. I’d even support increasing ticket prices to help cover the cost, as I feel I already owe somebody money.

What are your thoughts on the Pittsburgh Steelers having a Cheerleading Squad? Preferably in less graphic detail, please. But who am I to talk?