Called Shots: How To Dump a Chick Like a Pro

Chris CluffCorrespondent IIJuly 22, 2009

PHILADELPHIA - DECEMBER 28:  Tony Romo #9 of the Dallas Cowboys sets up his offence against the Philadelphia Eagles on December 28, 2008 at Lincoln Financial Field in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.  (Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)

Dallas quarterback Tony Romo reportedly gave girlfriend Jessica Simpson the big D (as in dump) on the eve of her 29th birthday last week. 

Apparently he figured he should release her before she joined the ranks of Shaun Alexander, Edgerrin James, and other over-30 busts. 

So now, with Terrell Owens and Jessica out of the picture, Romo has gotten rid of the three biggest boobs he knew.

Speaking of dumping chicks … NBA star Richard Jefferson recently ditched his fiancee, a former Knicks' dancer, and shelled out six figures to the cheerleader for her trouble. After he signed with San Antonio, Jefferson probably figured he could get an upgraded model off the roster of the Spurs’ Silver Dancers.   

Speaking of getting lucky … Matt Cassel, ex-Patriot turned chief Kansas City QB, signed a contract last week that will guarantee him $28 million over the next six years. 

So let’s get this straight: A guy (Matthew Stafford) who has not played a down in the NFL is worth $42 million and a guy (Cassel) who has started just 15 games is worth $28 million. 

By those inverted standards, Tom Brady’s so overqualified his next deal might not even be worth a shave and a haircut (you know, two bits). 

Speaking of Brady’s money … After a former convicted bank robber mistook Brady’s flower boxes for junk and sold them for scrap metal, the ex-con’s $4,000 debt was paid off by a Boston advertising man who apparently figured it would be a good commercial venture. No word on whether Mrs. Brady required the guy to pay in Euros.

Speaking of “pretty people” from Europe … David Beckham apparently has kissed (well, hugged anyway) and made up with Los Angeles Galaxy teammate Landon Donovan, who criticized the Brit in a recently published book. But do you think the Galaxy’s stars are really aligned? 

Speaking of intergalactic events … Buzz Aldrin, who landed on the moon with Neil Armstrong 40 years ago, wants the United States to send a manned mission to Mars next. It sure would be a good excuse to take T.O., Chad “Ocho Cinco” Johnson, Ron Artest, and Milton Bradley back home. 

Speaking of long expeditions … Now that NFL commissioner Roger Goodell is back from climbing Mt. Rainier with Seahawks coach Jim Mora, Goodell should be well prepared to return to the glacially slow CBA talks. 

Speaking of tough gigs … Shaquille O’Neal is going to cross-train for the next NBA season by competing against stars of other sports on his own TV show, “Shaq Vs.” The 7-foot-1 37-year-old reportedly thought it was a great idea because people “would really want to see an athlete play another sport.” Bet Bo Jackson and Deion Sanders wish they had thought of that. 

Speaking of Pro Bowl players … Washington tight end Chris Cooley and some friends recently disposed of a dead horse they found on his ranch by pouring five cans of gas on it and putting “some fireworks in the horse as well, to enhance the explosion.” And now we know what the Broncos can expect from Cooley this coming season.

Speaking of the Broncos … Former Denver running back Travis Henry recently pleaded guilty to trafficking cocaine and was sentenced to three years in prison. In others words, his offense was so bad he’s headed for a three-and-out.

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