Madison Square Garden Refuses to Accept Lioncash, Chaos Ensues

Mike LewisContributor IJuly 20, 2009

STATE COLLEGE, PA - SEPTEMBER 06:  Fans of Penn State wave towels before a game between the Oregon State Beavers and the Penn State Nittany Lions at Beaver Stadium on September 6, 2008 in State College, Pennsylvania.  (Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)

NEW YORK- Thirty-six buses of Penn State fans went to Madison Square Garden in New York City to support the Nittany Lions basketball team. Only 33 buses came back.

The confusion began during halftime when several hundred Penn State fans left their seats to get food with Lioncash. However, the incompetent MSG venders refused to accept Lioncash.

“What is Lioncash?” said vendor Jerry James.

The confused students headed out of the Garden and hit the streets in search of a meal that could be purchased with Lioncash. These students have been missing ever since and are presumed dead.

“By now, we can only assume that they have died of stabbings, starvation, or bird flu,” said officer Nigel Longbottom of the New York Police Department.

The situation only worsened when the game ended. An estimated 2,000 fans rioted in the streets of New York after hot dog vendors refused to accept Lioncash.

In a hungry fit of fury, the Penn State fans began looting local delis and restaurants while jumping around and playing zombie nation from boom-boxes.

NYPD responded in full force and pepper-sprayed the rioting students. Taking a cue from State College Police, they also pepper-sprayed several peaceful observers just for good measure.

“I really like pepper spray,” said Longbottom.

Ultimately, order was restored and the surviving students were sent back on their buses.