I've spent my entire life as a die-hard fan of wrestling. I can't help it. While my friends have "grown out of it," I stay a faithful and utterly engaged mark.
(For non-wrestling fans, a "mark" is someone who goes along with the story lines and cheers for what the company feeds you.)
For some reason, though, I could never cheer on the good guy. The Rock was at his best when demeaning the good guy and handcuffing Mankind, while simultaneously delivering the greatest chair shots in pay-per-view history.
Stone Cold's best years were his heel years of 2001. When the WWF title mattered so much that he began working with his long-time nemesis, Vince Macmahon, just to keep it.
In wrestling lingo, the heel is the bad guy and the "face" (originally "babyface") is the good guy.
I was always fascinated by the heel.
There are many reasons to dislike this guy: He's insatiably flamboyant about your lack of significance.
He never seems to recall losses.
He will do whatever it takes to win.
There is no level he won't sink to-chair shots and kicking a partner through barbershop windows spring to mind.
Amidst the myriad of reasons for your disdain, reaching out like fingertips ripe with a sense of God-given moral righteousness, two of them stand out amongst the belated crowd:
1. The great heel wins. A lot.
2. Secretly, you want to be just like him.
Jealousy inspires spite. Spite lays way to rumor. Rumor leads way to anger, and somewhere along the line a great bad guy is born.
The greatest bad guys have always been the ones involved in competition—when emotions and hormones are at their enraged epicenter.
(See Brock Lesnar at UFC 100 for more details.)
What better "heel" than the one involved in the manliest competition known to mortal man—fantasy football?
And with that, I present to you my top five methods of becoming the heel of your fantasy league.