So I was all ready to do a fun little quiz with y'all.
I had cropped in on the "EYE" (as in cbs IS WATCHING US. WAKE THE HELL UP.) and the CBS for the people thinking, reinforcing the fact that CBS owns bleacher report.
All that was left on the picture was a pair of mouths and suits. I was going to do a little quiz on whose mouths those were.
Anyone who answered correctly would have been privy to an advanced copy of my conspiracy theory before it drops on B/R.
You heard it here first y'all!
But only if you could have answered this question.
"Whose two mouths appear in the picture above?" The answer, obviously, would have been Jim Nantz and Roy Williams.
I was all set to give away a prize too.
But you can't crop photos on slideshows. Not in a manner that I'm aware of, anyway.
Hmm, let's make that thing No. 1 I hate about B/R.
I could go on, but I'm wasted a lot of energy fighting various forms of the establishment, and I need a breather.
We've just been over this. Continuing the tour...
Could they be any more generic?
But why can't I pick something like "Terrible comment," or "Adds nothing to the conversation," or "You's a hata!"
(That's code for you're a troll, BTW. But in a gangsta lean...)
Plus, there's so many things you can say about a comment. Great is so, so, blah.
And they tell you how many times you get "great comments," so then you go fishing for them.
And that just leads to petty, sycophantic conversation. Everyone who takes part in a lovefest comment thread to get great comments thrown their way, well, let's just say their noses come out a different color than when they went in.
BTW, you remember I said I was going to give away a prize right? It was going to be 100 great comments and pick of the day votes to the person who got the question right.
It's really easy to tweak the system back if you stop and think about it.
You ever notice why every time some yay-hoo (not you Rocky, but you know what I mean) posts a slideshow that's just a list of hot babes (any kind of babe, from ring girl to tennis hottie girlfriend), it always gets 50,000 hits?
I'll tell you why that is.
Because I estimate the majority of guys on this site are between the ages of say about 16 and 25.
And I think the majority of them have never been laid, especially the younger dudes.
Don't get mad, young fellas. I was once like you. But then this California-ragamuffin-semisocialist-potsmoking-kindhearted hippie met this sweet-southernbelle-suga-mama, I got hitched, and it's all good (most of the time).
One advice about marriage little men: If you value your opinion (and something else even more important on your body), think very hard before you get married.
Because a lot of times, you'll feel like you've got to be right in an argument.
If you feel that way, you'll be thoroughly frustrated because men can't win arguments.
That's because women will always use volume over reason. Then if you get heated and said something you shouldn't have, the argument is over and you have to apologize.
*Quick, if you're allowed to be on this site (this is especially for Thomas and Dalton), bring your dad to the computer, show him what I wrote about marriage and ask if it's true.
I'll bet you 100 great comments that he falls down laughing...
How come just about every girl you meet on this site is like the coolest chick in the world?
And how come they're all really nice?
And how come they're all really easy on the eyes?
And how come they all know sports? (Might be the biggest attraction right there)
And how come I didn't join this site before I got married?
KIDDING. ONLY KIDDING. Love you, Stacy!
My top 5 b/r girls that I'd like to meet in person, especially if I was single:
5. Danielle Classen (hope that's spelled right)
Haven't seen her around in a while, but she was one heck of an editor. She also had this awesome profile picture with a mirror. Very intriguing. And she was so nice, it made her feel attainable, you know?
4. Jeanne Buzzell
Most of you don't know Jeanne. She was the first example of this phenomenon for me.
Search her name, read her bio and the part about kickers. I just about fell down laughing.
And she's pretty cute too....
3. Kimberley Nash
A top-50 NFL ranked writer, I first saw a post from the lovely Ms. Nash regarding a piece about Rex Grossman being a viable backup QB option for Jacksonville before he signed with Houston.
This one guy, don't remember his name, jumped right down Kim's throat and accused her of throwing out baseless, inaccurate information.
She came back and dropped the thunder on this dude. Stats for everything you could imagine.
Right then, I was smitten. And she knew what she was talking about.
A lot of times guys on sports sites feel like chicks need to prove themselves.
This strong young woman (even though she's a bulldog fan. Gators baby! 16 out of 19!) sent this cat running for cover.
Keep fighting the power sister!
2. Jessica Reuter
Jessica's a big-time Orlando fan from Buffalo, which is my pop's hometown. So there was an instant shared interest.
And everytime she changes her profile pic, my jaw drops a little lower.
She first had this sweet self taken profile pic.
The next one I saw, she was wearing sunglasses and was looking very, um, alluringly at the camera. It looked like she was in the back seat of the car.
It also looked very hot outside. I'm not sure if that's because of the temperature outside the car or inside the car...
She just edited an article of mine for the first time in whatever, and I clicked on her profile to leave her a thanks on the BB, and she had this kind of dark, punk rocker chick thing going on.
It looked like she could have been the new lead singer of the Dead Weather. But I like that, homes, I like that.
Anyone who's read any of my recent stuff (I'd like to think of it as the Sgt. Pepper with an attitude phase) knows that this girl means the world to me.
She's the best smack runner, male or female, that I've ever had the good fortune of jousting with.
She's also very kind, considerate, out-going, etc.
So if you meet my brother Patrick and like him, y'all should kick it. And then maybe one day we'll be in-laws and we can tell stories about 40-post comment threads dealing with Mark Madsen's dance moves and smelly cheese.
Honorable Mention: Cameon Shiflett
Sorry, you don't make the top 5 darlin' but you're only 17 and you're a Bama fan. And I don't even know what your political views are yet....
What do I mean by that, you ask?
Well, there's just an overall air of secrecy about this place.
On the surface all is well, but below us (actually, in status it's above us; in morality it's below us) things are happening that we're not aware of.
That's because little brother shines just enough light for us to look at ourselves and what we're doing, but not enough light to see what their real intentions are.
The thing about myspace, facebook, and twitter is the fact that it allows any type of establishment power source (employers, government, newspapers, etc.) to see what their servants are doing.
They don't even have to go to the effort of tapping our phones or doing surveillance because we tell them EVERYTHING!
And that, my friends, is a scary concept.
If you don't think so, read "1984" by George Orwell (especially you young folks) and get back to me.
There is more going on than meets the "eye". More people just need to start opening them instead of closing them.
Part III of this little manifesto coming soon (probably in article form, so that I can play "Name that Mouth" with a CBS photo)