Bleacher Report's Zander Freund Mad As Hell, Promises to Protest Kobe MVP Award

John 'Fatty'-FatlandCorrespondent IMay 7, 2008

A Bleacher Report Exclusive—Brought to you by John "Fatty" Fatland

Calling it an unjustice, unparalleled, unequaled, and unexplainable, Zander Freund of Bleacher Report is furious that Chris Paul was almost completely ignored by the MVP voters, otherwise known as the "Super Delegates" of the NBA media.

"What planet are these people on? I bet you they don't even know what the NBA stands for," Zander told me. "I mean: look at Paul...he does a lot of good things like pass and score. The guy can steal too. His team won a bunch of games."

Freund made his intentions very clear when he said: "I will not rest until the wrong is made right." He is confident he can persuade David Stern to overrule the vote and force Kobe to return the trophy to its rightful owner.

His energetic protest is to include the following five action items:

First: A front page article denouncing the MVP vote as a sham

Second: An open letter to David Stern with a link to Bleacher Report

Fourth: An organized protest outside the Oracle center next year before a Donnie Osmond concert.

Sixth: If necessary, a possible hunger strike. "I will refuse to eat bedtime snacks until justice is served!" 

He said he had put a call into David Stern and was awaiting Stern's return, so he could only give me a little time.

While he was huddled anxiously by the phone, I called David Stern on my cell. Though he was in the middle of a strategy session on how to fix games for fun and profit, he said he was happy to take my call.  

David said he hadn't heard of the controversy and promised me he would look into it.

While still waiting, I called Kobe and asked for his take.

"Zander? Who the F*** is Zander?! Is this a joke?"

I told him no—Zander was dead serious, and he needed the hits on his site.

Kobe then said: "Well tell this Zander dude that he can have my MVP trophy—when he can pry it off my cold dead fingers."

Before leaving, I asked Zander: "Is it worth it? All this effort...all the anxiety, stress, and anguish you're putting yourself and your family through?"

He smiled and eagerly replied: "Yeah its worth it...every penny of the .67 we'll make for my take today."

UPDATE: Zander is willing to save the NBA the embarrassment of a prolonged protest. He's offering a compromise. Winner of the anticipated WCF between Paul's Hornets and Kobe's Lakers will take home the MVP Trophy.

The NBA has not responded to this offer as of yet. Zander is still anxiously waiting by his phone for Stern to return his call.