The Vampires Are at The Gate: Rivera Saves The American League Again

Dayne DurantiCorrespondent IJuly 15, 2009

ST LOUIS, MO - JULY 14:  American League All-Star Mariano Rivera of the New York Yankees pitches during the 2009 MLB All-Star Game at Busch Stadium on July 14, 2009 in St Louis, Missouri.  (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)

How old is Mariano Rivera? I mean, I know how old he is but just for the sake of conversation. I feel like the guy has been around forever. Fourteen years as a pro, that’s pretty good. He is, and always has been amazing. He shreds batters still at the age of 40.

Man, he kills me. I feel like he doesn’t age. I keep getting older and fatter and Old Mariano just keeps killing batters.

Pitch after pitch, season after season, All-Star Game after All-Star Game. The lasting power of the guy is ridiculous.

In most other professional sports you would be old news after 14 years. Look at Derrick Brooks in Tampa Bay, thrown out like old trash. Look at Antoine Walker, no one wants to sign him so now there is a manhunt in the desert to try and re-coupe his $800,000 debt to the casinos in Sin City. He is 32 years old.

It will be interesting to see what happens to Rivera in the next year or so. He and Dick Clark will have to find a new spa that has a reverse-aging chamber for them to use. The one at Neverland Ranch is now closed due to the constant influx of overweight middle-aged women and DEA.

Rivera has a secret. It’s not steroids. It’s not drugs. It’s not the fountain of youth.

Whatever it is, I gotta get me some of that.