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Things in Fantasy Football That Are Completely Unacceptable in Real Life

Nick DimengoFeatured ColumnistSeptember 3, 2014

Things in Fantasy Football That Are Completely Unacceptable in Real Life

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    John Minchillo/Associated Press

    Everyone and their mom plays fantasy football.

    But while it's the popular trend for sports fans everywhere, that doesn't mean that some of the things we in our leagues are always socially acceptable.

    Cheering while your favorite team gets buried by your fantasy quarterback? Not cool.

    Likewise for those wishing for injuries.

    There's a reason they call it fantasy football, and here are some things to remember to keep it that way, because these are completely unacceptable in real life.

Stalking Future Players

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    PHIL LONG/Associated Press

    It’s pretty much frowned upon for anyone to admit to stalking another person, yet, when it comes to fantasy football, it’s actually encouraged.

    Keeping an eye on a certain guy by adding him to your queue during a live draft or targeting him in free agency might sound creepy to some—but not those who play fantasy football.

Dropping and Picking Up Players Several Times

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    JGI/Tom Grill/Blend Images/Associated Press

    Indecision is a natural part of everyday life, but when it comes to fantasy football, it happens nearly every single day.

    Unlike flip-flopping between staying single or getting back together with your ex, fantasy football players have no shame in dropping a defense that might have gotten burned early in the season, only to find that same squad getting hot and carrying them to a championship.

Buying People

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    David Richard/Associated Press

    Who says you can’t put a price tag on a person?

    Bribing and buying someone isn’t usually encouraged in everyday life. But, as well all know, when it comes to fantasy football, it’s how teams are actually built.

    When participating in an auction draft, buying a guy at a higher price might not be the wisest move all the time, but it usually reaps positive rewards—which can’t be said in real life.

Ridiculously Inappropriate Names

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    Brian Ach/Associated Press

    We all have those buddies who have unfortunate nicknames that are usually kept within a small circle, often reserved for emails or text messages.

    In fantasy football, though, forget trying to hide those names. The team with the best, and usually most inappropriate or witty, name is often praised.

    Regardless of it being a private or public league, funny names aren’t hidden—unless someone’s wife happens to try and glance at the computer screen.

Wishing People Get Hurt

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    Dustin Bradford/Getty Images

    How many times have you actually wished for another human being to get hurt?

    Chances are, not too many—I hope.

    But for those who find their backs up against the wall with a player on another team needing only a few more points to beat your squad, tossing out a quick little wish that their playmaker tweaks a hamstring or gets pulled for some unforeseen reason isn’t out of the question—just as long as it’s nothing too vicious.

Trash Talking

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    Justin Edmonds/Getty Images

    One of the best things about fantasy football is posting something public in the league forum that talks crap about the other teams.

    Sure, it’s a complete troll move, but starting a season-long back-and-forth with a few of the other team managers in the league will keep people interested and put bragging rights on each weekly matchup.

Being More Focused on Your Fantasy Team Than Your Real Job

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    John Raoux/Associated Press

    Just like the first few days of March Madness, the next four months will be full of procrastinators who focus more on their fantasy team than their reality.

    It might get them in a little bit of hot water once or twice, but there’s a really good chance that the person’s boss is actually doing the same thing.

    Come on, fantasy football is addicting!

Missing Something Important Because Your Draft Is That Day

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    Brian Ach/Associated Press

    The majority of fantasy drafts have already occurred, so this might not be something that any of us have to worry about this year—but you may have dealt with it a few weeks ago.

    Under no circumstance would someone miss an anniversary, birthday or, yes, even a wedding because of their fantasy draft, right?

    Well, you’d be surprised.

Rating People

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    Sandro di Carlo Darsa/Associated Press/Associated Press

    Just like fans get amped up for the release of the Madden video game ratings each year, fans are even more excited when they see the preseason fantasy rankings for their favorite players.

    Which ones will slip through the cracks of the fantasy experts and become a sleeper? Those are the guys every fantasy manager is looking for—and target to pick up late in a draft or on the waiver wire.

Speculating on Who Will Be the Next Greatest Player

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    Jim Stroup/Associated Press

    For those who play in a league with keepers, this one’s for you. You have the daunting task of projecting who might be great in the next few years.

    While having Peyton Manning last year and, presumably, this upcoming season is great, he’s not the right guy to bank on a few years from now.

    For that reason, managers are forced to wonder if keeping Johnny Manziel on the bench for a year is worth it—hoping that the patience pays off in 2015 and beyond.

Spending Time Watching the NFL Combine

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    STEPHEN BRASHEAR/Associated Press

    Have you ever watched the NFL Combine?

    As someone who actually has, I can tell you that it’s a complete waste of time.

    That’s not to say it’s not important. But when it comes to scouting incoming rookies to evaluate for fantasy football purposes, it’s a little bit insane.

    Unless you’re getting paid by one of the 32 NFL teams, no fan should be taking notes for potential sleepers in fantasy—yet, it still happens.

Having a Fantasy Football Guru

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    Casey Rodgers/Associated Press

    Just like a big brother who has been there and done that, there are some fantasy players out there who rely on the input of one single guy—otherwise known as their fantasy guru.

    This dude may have projected the Kansas City Chiefs breaking out and having a great defense last year, or predicted that Roddy White’s numbers would dip in 2013, but that doesn’t mean he’s a Nostradamus.

    Still, in guru we trust—which would almost never happen in real life.

Customizing a Shirt for Your Fantasy Draft

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    Brian Ach/Associated Press

    Customized shirts are becoming more and more popular, but anyone who does it in honor of his fantasy team should rethink the decision to do so.

    Yes, fantasy football is supposed to be fun and things are done tongue-in-cheek. So, with that in mind, someone getting the team name, “Breezus Christ” inked on a tee over their own family’s reunion is probably a bit too obsessed.

Hiring Cheerleaders

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    Brian Ach/Associated Press

    I’m going to bet that a lot of us reading this piece really like attractive girls.

    And while purchasing a girl for her services in real life might be looked down on, doing so to build hype for a fantasy draft isn’t all that absurd.

    Sure, it might be a little weird in hindsight, but that’s never stopped anyone from doing stuff.

Sharing Insider Information

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    Brian Ach/Associated Press

    There are a few people who have been busted for insider trading, helping them get a leg up on major financial decisions.

    And while the stakes aren’t realistically as high in football, that doesn’t mean fantasy managers won’t take any help they can get to win their league.

    Insider trading in real life usually results in some time behind bars. Insider trading in fantasy football, though, can result in fantasy glory.

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