The richest football club on the planet (Earth only) have flexed their muscles, yet again by making a bid for the President of United States of America, Barack Obama.
The inside, and highly confidential, sources say that the club has already made the bid in the region of US$276 million to sign the President himself.
As soon as the media got this news, or rumor, they went to ask Mark Hughes and Co. about their newest venture.
"Mr Hughes is currently very busy preparing the possible lineup and the team formation to what they are going to play and challenge in next year's English Premier League" ,said the doorman. Therefore the media people had to head off to find Gary Cook instead.
They finally found Mr.Cook, on a phone call to Mr. Sheikh in Abu Dhabi, who was not very impressed by the latest lolly demand by Mr Hughes. So, Gary came out to answer the questions of the press.
Reporter 1: "Gary, is it true that the club had made a bid of over US$250 million for Barack Obama?"
Gary: "We’re a massive club, honest. Look, I’ve got a tenner in my pocket."
Reporter 1: "That is fine Gary, but is it true about the bid for Mr Obama?"
Gary: "Yes, we are after Obama."
Reporter 2: "What makes you think you can sign him for this much money?"
Gary: "We want everyone to know that we can make bids for big names and we will not stop until we get our man… unless they say, 'No'. You, media people, have no idea how painful it is, and I feel heartache every time a big player says no to us and to our project at Eastlands.
We heard from our agents that Obama was the only player in the whole US, who could kick Mr. Bush's A##. We need players of his quality."
Reporter 2: "So, how Mr. Hughes going to fit him in the starting 11 or will he be just the bench warmer?"
Gary: "Hahaha, good joke. No, it is yet to be decided where all these mega buck transfers are going to fit on the pitch and who is going to warm the bench up. But, we are in constant touch with Real Madrid on this, as they will teach us how to accommodate biggest stars in one team, and who to keep on bench."
Reporter 1: "But Obama doesn't play with the round ball, you must know that right?"
Gary: "Oh Mr. !!! We knew this might come up as the possible hurdle in signing Obama . However we have a plan. We will not show him the round ball until the very first match, you see. He will practice with that odd shaped brown colored ball only."
Reporter 3: "Gary, Which position is he going to play on?"
Gary: "That is the most interesting quality of Obama, which made us go for him. When we asked him he said he is best suitable for the left wing but he guaranteed us he could play anywhere on the pitch. So, Mr. President will play, I think, hmmm, somewhere in striking role."
Reporter 1: "Don't you have two strikers already? Tevez and Cruz?"
Gary: "Oh Yes, I forgot. That's what happens with me and Mark, we forget who we have signed and when. We bid for another big name just after hours. Well, Mark is thinking about his line up now until the kick off, so we will let the media know as soon as Mark comes up with some sort of formation."
Reporter 2: "So, where Obama will play?"
Gary: "I do not know Mr. reporter. Let's see. Our motto is to bid for as many big players as we can and chase them up until they sign or say 'no', the later being the case everywhere these days.It is painful."
Reporter 2: "Will the owner, the Sheikh from Abu Dhabi, be pi###d off because of you signing the American President? We know about the US and Arab world's bitter relationship."
Gary: "A little bit of work will be needed to persuade Mr. Shark, oh sorry Mr. Sheikh, about these speculations."
Reporter 1: "What is the main thing you are showing to the world about all these mega million bucks, mostly unsuccessful, bids?"
Gary: "We’re confident on getting Obama and showing the rest of Manchester, I mean, the rest of the world that we can get the best. Just like when we got Chelsea reserve fullback Wayne Bridge and someone from Wales."
Gary: "Please no more questions, guys. I have a lot of work to do for our next signing."
Reporter 3: "Any hints this time, Gary?"
Gary: "Someone from East Asia, like the stature of Obama in a opposite world. Our agents are trying to find him..."
Reporter: "Ohh, is that Mr. Osama Bin Laden?"
Gary: ( Chuckles and leaves the press conference).....