The perfect fantasy football team name strikes a balance between wit and reach.
"Wit" being humor and something that is not ridiculously inappropriate but still gets a chuckle out of most. "Reach" meaning accessibility—even casual fans are in on the joke or meaning because it has roots in one of the league's more recognizable names.
Actual newness helps, too. Nobody likes recycled names, so let's dial up some new ones below that fit the criteria. Just be sure to get them fast, as the expiration date for any fantasy team name comes quicker than a Barry Sanders jump cut.
Bonus points for the meaning behind the name being way too perfect.
For Dallas' Dez Bryant, the name applies all too well as he continues to be on the hunt for a new deal. Of course, the Cowboys plan on keeping one of the league's best wideouts around for a long time.
“We’re totally committed to make Dez a Cowboy for life,” vice president Stephen Jones said, via Drew Davison of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. “Our plans from Day 1...figure a way to get Dez and Tyron extended.”
In fact, the Cowboys are so committed that the team went out and gave tackle Tyron Smith an eight-year extension worth $110 million, per ESPN.com's Todd Archer, to essentially dry up the salary-cap well.
Bryant may very well stay in Dallas for the long term. But owners are treating him properly with an average draft position of 1.11 as the No. 3 wideout off the board for good reason—Bryant has an added financial incentive to produce at an epic clip next season.
Should he, owners will reap the benefits, and Bryant's destination will be in more doubt than ever.
Manziel in Distress
Enough said, right?
Johnny Manziel, otherwise known as the new Tim Tebow in terms of the media and fan frenzy he births no matter what he does, will hold a clipboard to begin his NFL career in favor of veteran journeyman Brian Hoyer.
Mike Pettine chalked the decision up to experience, per ESPN.com's Pat McManamon:
He was the clear leader from the beginning. We've maintained all along that if it was close, I would prefer to go with the more experienced player. Brian has done a great job in the meeting rooms and with his teammates on the practice field and in the locker room.
Surely creative monikers that deal with money phones and inflatable swans are out there somewhere, but this one is the most recent in a long line of events surrounding Manzielmania.
Elementary My Dear Watkins
Fantasy owners love some Sammy Watkins, hence his ADP of 7.09 above a slew of recognizable names such as Reggie Wayne, Eric Decker and Anquan Boldin.
But the thought process to drafting Watkins so high is, well, elementary—as is the notion he has what it takes to reel in the Offensive Rookie of the Year Award.
At the very least, he has the pure speed and overall talent to help out what is a run-first offense, as NFL Network's Jeff Darlington muses:
Crazy as it sounds, I do believe Sammy Watkins (who didn’t play tonight) is good enough to drastically change this offense for the better.— Jeff Darlington (@JeffDarlington) August 23, 2014
One of the most high-profile rookies has a lot of expectations on his shoulders as a No. 1 receiver that Buffalo traded up to get, especially with former star Stevie Johnson now in San Francisco.
Those expectations also come from fantasy owners, who are investing a ton in his upside. No pressure, Watkins.
Think Vontaze Burfict does not qualify as one of the NFL's top stars?
Last season, the Cincinnati Bengals star linebacker tied for fourth as the best at his position, according to Pro Football Focus (subscription required), one season removed from coming in at No. 18.
Not only is Burfict one of the league's most-feared defenders, he is one heck of a good story after going undrafted out of Arizona State. Thanks to his redemption story that has come full circle, he seems set to cash in on a new contract, too, per ESPN.com's Coley Harvey.
By now Burfict is a household name, so owners in any league will get the idea behind this one. Even better, silly draft decisions or lineup failures need no explanation other than to point toward the team name.
Efficiency, after all, is one major aspect of winning leagues.